29-03-2006 - 03:51
so...i felt like complete hell at hapkido today. sudafed lowers my blood pressure. made me feel like i was going to pass out. bleah.
anyway. after hapkido, i met up with the ninja. it's the first time we've actually seen one another since the break up. ended up going to some place that i think was called bistro. we did a good deal of talking. i have come to the conclusion that we were both doing our best in our relationships...just that in a way they were seperate ones. i don't think that we were either both really there at the same time. tonight i heard things that i wasn't aware of. i wonder why it's so much easier for us to talk now. and why we couldn't before. points actually got across. realizations were had. and all was going great till we were talking by our cars. i wasn't sad. it's just that all of the sudden it hit me. that i had learned more about him in just a couple of hours than i had learned the entire time we dated and it made me cry for a second. and yeah. he saw it. i was standing right in front of him. before that, i actually had fun. then it just hit me like a semi who's brakes have gone out at the bottom of a very steep hill. right now he says that he's not not in a position to date anyone. i agree. i can see that on both sides.
anyways. agreements and conclusions. the ninja agreed to always tell me the complete and bluntly honest truth. we are going to try this friend thing. see how that goes. maybe more could happen if we actually were friends first. now for the conclusions...yes, i miss him quite a bit. yes, i do love him. yes, i do want to try things again in the future. no, i will not sit around waiting for him. no, i will not give up on him. no, i will not be sad about not being with him...maybe just dissapointed.
other than that...dave wanted to hang out again tonight, but i wasn't feeling all too well, and i had other plans. i also have come across someone new. well, actually they came across me. and with everything that i learn about them, it just really makes me want to know even more. it also helps that he's cute and seems just as strange as me.
i also know that i do not want to date anyone right now. or for a while. hanging out with people...yes. but other than that...no.
i've also once again come across steven. tim's old roommate that i knew before tim. here's a little clip from an email he sent me....
"...this is crazy crazy. I was in East Lansing tonight for a show and...THOUGHT ABOUT YOU!"
clips from emails from another friend of mine...
"Not sure if you are still dating the ninja (sorry I can't remember his name). He didn't ask and I didn't offer much info. I think [guys name] is kind of sweet on you. He is a nice guy."
and from the next email...
"[guys name] is a little shy, but he is really a fun guy once you get past the quite outside shell. I know that he is wife shopping (between you and I), but he is not obnoxious about it like some people we know. [guys name] is just looking for someone to spend his life with. Not match making here, just giving you my perspective."
and...from the new guy...
"I don't really know why I do not sleep all that much/well. Sometimes it's cos I'm doing stuff or whatever but it's often just cos I can't. I can be pretty "thinkie" sometimes and lately I have been. I usually need music on or something to sleep as well. It's kinda weird I guess."
just sounds kinda like something i would have said. in fact, i think i have said all of that before...maybe just not in that order.
"wise men say. only fools rush in. but i can't help falling in love with you. shall i stay. would it be a sin. if i can't help falling in love with you. like a river flows. surely to the sea. darling so it goes. some things are meant to be. take my hand, take my whole life too. for i can't help falling in love with you. like a river flows surely to the sea. darling so it goes. some things are meant to be. take my hand, take my whole life too. for i can't help falling in love with you. for i can't help falling in love with you." -elvis
