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12-12-2001 - 04:44

i have recently realized that i must take action in my life. i have to get a "job" as opposed to waiting for a "jobby job" as my friend andy puts it. my parents are not able to keep up house payments on their own since my dad's been out of work for 3.5 months because of his back injury...and on top of this, there's the money needed for his operation next week. gahh!

to make things worse, i must now buy a new radiator, and my student loan payments start next month. i only borrowed $32,000 but since it's going to take me forever to pay it off, i'm going to end up having to pay $53,000 counting all of the interest. my god...they love to rape you with the interest.

i have also decided that while i'm going to go to the concert this weekend with the guy i'm crushing on, nothing will become of it. he's moving away, and barely notices i'm alive. gak! up until now, i've had the ability/luck to have dated anyone i've ever had my heart set on dating...aron, the musician, bazella the cute depressed writer, kyle the hot bass player...but i think my luck has finally run out...

i really don't know why/how i'm falling for someone i've only actually talked to twice...

how can this happen? i've never had interest in him before, and he's been around for years. does this just prove that there's a higher power up there just trying to spite me?

oh well. i'll just have to wait and see how things go. maybe i'll call him tomorrow and see if he wants to go out and get coffee and discuss the upcoming concert or something.

on the same thought process, but different tangent, i've decided that one of the things i miss is sleeping with someone. not sexually, but just falling asleep next to someone and being able to wake up next to them.

one thing for sure is that i'm not going to catch anyone's interest with car grease ingrained into my hands. i've decided that nothing stains more than the random black stuff that comes off of the inside of cars...

maybe i'll have to invest in some uber strong soap, because the regular hand soap just isn't cutting it.

one of these days i'm going to wake up and everything's going to start falling into place...

"i don't know you but i want to. i just can't leave here without telling you-just how lonely i've been lately. you are just as lonely maybe? we should go out for some coffee."


"what do i do this for? i've got to get out some more, go down to the grocery store, meet someone i'll adore. someone who'll make me laugh, someone to be my better half, keep me warm under the sack, share with me my midnight snack."




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