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20-12-2001 - 05:20

well, both my grandmother and my father are recovering quite well. my car which i adore is currently running beautifully. and i have so many offers for things to do for new years, that i can not decide what i want to do.

well, it was too bloody cold out to stare at the stars tonight, so instead i started up drawing again. nothing good yet, but then again i wasn't really in the mood for drawing. i just had to do something besides clean. i started looking into places that can take in dresses. the dress that i must wear in september for my sister's wedding is way to big and i don't think she wants me to stitch it up myself... i am very angry about all of this. i have a size 4 dress that needs to be taken in at the hem, the waist, the chest, and at the straps. the size 2 dress fit me in everyway except for the chest. being that i am of a compact breast size, i think that they just come up with outrageous sized so that you have to get them hopes that you will have them altered at their shop. oh well.

on another tangent, i am very worried about getting my x-mas shopping done in time. while procrastination is one of my strong points, i picture the hell that exists in malls and shops the week before x-mas and think that i should not have procrastinated quite this much...

and now it is time to vent...

today i stayed home all most all day and night. i washed clothes. dishes. cleaned the fridge. washed the floors and vaccumed the floors that you don't wash. cleaned the bathrooms. made food. dusted. cleaned the windows. and much more. i did all of this since my mother has been at the hospital with my father for the past 2 days. i did this to help out and make things less stressful for my parents. the first thing she does when she walks in the door is say that i shouldn't have slept all day. that it's about time i did something to help the family out. my was at this point in time that i realized that i can never please my parents. damn my infernal japanese heritage where one grows up learning that you should honor one's parents. (not that i'm very good at doing so...)

i keep trying to break out of this pattern, but i never seem to be able to.

once again, oh well.

enough with the self-pity! i am actually very happy today. my family is well, my pets are well (my birds birdy and mickey and my beta fish ramirez and arthur), my friends are doing fairly well, and my car is well.

"it feels good to know you're mine. now drive me far...away...far away...i don't care where...just far away...and i don't care." -deftones



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