24-12-2001 - 5:20 p.m.
my god...
everyone says that people are nicer during the holidays. merry, jolly, happy. everyone is insane.
today i had to brave the grocery store on the day before christmas...nothing could be more scary or potentially deadly. my mother had reserved a 11 pound chunk of prime rib, to be picked up today. she decides to send me into the fires of hell to pick up this chunk of meat.
i enter the store...everything was fine. i weave my way to the back finding the meat department. i ring the bell. a nice friendly woman comes out and takes my name and brings out the prime rib. all is well...or is it?
as the woman heaves the meat into my shopping basket, two women standing near by give me the evil look of death. i glance around and realize that i have the last chunk of red meat in the whole store. (no hamburger meat, no steaks, no ground chuck). i realize that i may be in trouble. i move to where the two women are standing...staring at me...to grab the bacon and sausage that are also on my list... the women won't even move over to let me get these things. and they weren't doing anything but talking and giving me evil looks. i slide between their carriages and the shelf and pick up the items i needed. as soon as i turn around and start to walk to the next isle, one woman says to the other..."a skinny little thing like that doesn't need that much roast."
i briskly walk to the other side of the store to pick up some cooking oil...
the two women happen to follow me. (coincidence?) at this time i realize that the oil is on the other side of the store. the woman follow me again...picking up nothing along the way. i locate and pick up the oil and toss it in my basket (which is getting quite heavy at this time). i then go to another isle to pick up some crackers. the women follow me. i can't find the crackers my father likes, so i move on. as i'm about to go and pay, i realize that i saw the crackers that i needed the other day at the end of a different isle. i about face and go to get some. the women follow me. they were closing in. they were now only about 20 feet away from me. i feared for my chunk of meat. were they going to knock me down and run away with the last morsel of red meat in the store?
luckly, there were some people i knew in the isle. jolly women who are about three times heftier than myself. the two women stop in their tracks. they look at me. then the two women i know. back to me. then back to the two women i know. they then nervously grab a few cans of soup and take off from whence they came.
i was safe...for the time being. i then paid for my groceries and headed towards my car. would they follow me outside? would they try to steal the prime rib that i so carefully guarded?
i jumped into my car and drove off as fast as i could.
end of story.
this is why i don't like the holidays...
"and i'm barely balancing as it is, and i don't want to drown in my dreams."
-lisa lobe
