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18-01-2002 - 01:31

well, i believe that this will be a long entry. i can't log onto the chat room, so i have some extra free time.

things were oddly good today. my parents pretty much just didn't talk to me.

so, i will now vent a little bit. i'm not really angry, so much as i am annoyed. my little sister is getting married this upcoming september. her wedding is quite expensive. my parents who are low on cash being that my father has been out of work for 5 months now, are paying for much of her wedding. i still owe them $170 for my brides maid dress. my parents make me feel guilty about moving back with them, being unemployed (even though i have to take care of my father all day long), being single (actually just concerned about my not "dating"), and the fact that i do nothing. (all i know is that there's many things i can't prove that i've done around here, but if i'm not shoveling the snow every time it snows, then there's some magical snow shoveling faries prancing about in the drive tricking me into thinking that i shoveled all that snow.)

well, my parents just got my little sister a car. they didn't pay for it all, but they are making the payments until my sister gets married. insurance payments and car payments. they pay $270 a year for my insurance. (bare minimum insurance that's paid every 6 months) they pay for my october insurance payments as a birthday gift. i pay the other one. since my sister just received a 2002 kia, they are paying for full insurance. they said they did this because she needed a new car. her old car really doesn't work very well, but that's her fault. her old car was a 1993 corsica. they'd already replaced her brakes, tires, engine, and a few other things. now they bought her a new car.

they weren't going to pay for my new radiator when the one in my car broke. if i wasn't able to fix it, i would have had to pay for it myself. which is very understandable, but i just don't appreciate the double standards they have for my sister and myself.

my mother did offer to help me get a new car, but my car runs well, and my mother gave me this big guilt trip about how they have no money right now. i understood this. they didn't need to buy me a new car. well, shows what being a considerate child does. all of this, and they wouldn't lend me the money to get a new lock on my car door. (only thing wrong with my car is that the driver's side door only unlocks from the inside).

i also discovered that my parents pay for almost all of my sister and her fiance's apartment fees. granted they helped me out a lot, but most of my lodging was paid for by my friend, the evil student loan. am i unhappy that they didn't help me out more? no. i appreciate the fact that they helped me out as much as they did...but i just think that all of this is further revealing the fact that there are different standards for my expensive sibling and i.

well, the way i see it, things are just about to work out for me. the job i applied for is going to call me soon and set up an interview. (that's what the woman on the phone informed me.) i know i will pass the background exam and the polygraph exam and the drug screening. i can feel myself gaining momentum. i can see the event horizion. soon i will reach escape velocity and be flung out into the "real" world. with this taste of possibility, i have renewed hope. nothing stands in my way but myself. all i have to do is stay on track. deviations will only slow me down.

i am happy. i love the feeling of knowing that everything will work out...

"i'm a punk rock prom queen. brown paper magazine. hotter than you've ever seen everywhere and inbetween. i'm a ten ticket thrill ride, don't you want to come inside? five star triple threat. hardest of the hard to get, no one's little retro bet, ain't seen nothing yet." -josie and the pussycats



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