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06-11-2002 - 02:20

a wasted day off. i sat around a lot. i watched a lot of television. i did clean a bit. and cook a bit. i also made some phone calls, but all in all, it was fairly wasted. this is why i hate having tuesdays and wednesdays off. not much to do. at least not with company. it's almost frightening that i've not left the apartment at all in 24 hours. bah. tomorrow will not be wasted like today. i'm not sure what i'll do, but i have decided that i must do something. one bad thing, followed by a good thing is that i have my 8 day work week stretch starting thursday...then i once again have fridays and saturdays off. i hope to make good use of them.

i was thinking today that i should like to buy some cheap flowers to put in a vase in the apartment. when i was in london, i used to buy flowers at the stand next to king's cross station every week. they were a nice accessory for my dorm room. what would be even better would be if i could meet someone who would buy me flowers. the last guy to buy me flowers was shaun. a rose and a note left on the windshield of my car while i was at work when he had found out that i had had a bad day. maybe i should leave someone a flower. that's my trade mark. gas station roses for all occassions. well, i can't really think of anyone i would want to leave a flower for, except perhaps jack or futile (who both seem to need a bit of cheering up lately), but they both live too far away. i'm amazed at how something as cheap as a gas station rose can change someone's day.

so, i've been pondering the subject of either cutting or dyeing my hair. i wouldn't cut it too short, but even if i cut off 4 or 5 inches, it would still be below my shoulders. it just seems to be getting too long to do much with it...if that makes any sense. if i do dye my hair, i should like to dye it some interesting shade of red. and only semi-permenant dye.

i'm currently sitting in my bedroom. i have the cartoon network playing anime on with the volumne on mute. i have my sterio on playing jeff buckley songs. my favorite song by him is "lover, you should've come over".

my feet are cold. i'm drinking tea.

it rained today. i sat in my room on my bed (futon mattress on the floor) and watched it for a while. i wanted to run out in it and get soaked in the ice cold rain, but i decided otherwise.

do you ever feel like the world is moving and you're just sitting there watching it? i've felt like that this week. it's odd. it's not a bad feeling. i don't feel like i'm missing out or anything...more like i'm supposed to be learning something. it's kind of like when you go to a cafe and sit around drinking coffee and watching people. one can learn a lot from people watching. i just wonder what i should be learning now.

ah. the ramblings of an immortal demi-god...

i found out the my sister is seeing a concert this weekend. i'm jealous of that. that and the fact that my parents keep giving her money and then she in turn keeps complaining about how little they give her. 50 dollars a week is more than enough. plus my parents buy her food and pay for her insurance...and more. i'm not sure if i'm actually jealous of the fact that they have always helped her out more than me (which would also make me sound ungreatfull for all they have helped me out with...which i am very greatfull for) or if i'm just slightly angry at the fact that she's never going to have to become independant. my parents will likely help her out until she get's married. then that guy will pay for everything. she never worked/s during school. not even much in high school. i've had a job since i was 15 with an exception of one semester during college, and yes...the 8 months after college before i took the job i have now.

right now i want to run through the streets.

i'm actually thinking of going to meijers tonight. it's almost 1:30am, but i'm not the least bit tired. mayhaps i will go, mayhaps i won't.

wish i wasn't alone tonight.

"prefect little dream. the kind that hurts the most. forgot how it feels...well almost." -nin



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