30-11-2002 - 04:20
so. ryan and i met up in ann arbor tonight. i was running late...i had my very annoying reasons for that. and we met up at amer's coffee shop. from there, we walked around a bit in the cold.
we stopped in at connor o'neils, but it was way too crowded there. then we stopped at bird of paradise and it was way too empty there. (think of this like the goldilocks and the three bears, but with alcohol.) then we stopped in at del rio's...and everything there was just right. i ended up drinking bell's oberon. yumm. so, ryan and i are sitting at the bar drinking. and, this guy walks in (who somehow reminded me of someone who'd be the lead in an 80's movie) and also sits down at the bar. he looks really young, but he's obviously old enough to smoke and drink. anyways, i was somehow oddly attracted to this guy. i mention this to ryan, but ryan thinks he's gay. i didn't think so, but i decided not to ask the guy for his number. during this time, i tell ryan that i think the bartender is gay, and ryan didn't think so...until the guy kissed another guy. so, i was correct about the bartender. i then thought that perhaps i was correct in thinking that the guy at the bar was straight. i was about to go and talk to him when a girl (whom he seemed to know) sat down next to him and they started talking. i wait a few minutes to see if he's "with" the girl. i get the impression that he's not with her, and i'm about to talk to him again, but then they get ready to leave with some people from the table next to them. well, he get's up walks out, and just spur of the moment, i ask the girl he was with about him just before she leaves and meets up with the rest of her friends outside. she tells me that he's straight and single and that i should leave him my number. so, ryan grabs a napkin and a pen (he always has one on him) and next thing i know i leave my number for this guy i don't even know, who likely won't even call me. and, his name is andrew. also, some people at the bar thought i was the bass player for the band hole. i guess some singer was in town and he's dating the bassist, so they thought she might be in town too. i just thought it was funny that someone thought i looked like someone famous...even if i don't know their name.
well, i was two for two on the gay or straight game. ryan who being gay ought to be able to tell, was wrong on both. so, this all just goes to show that ryan and i are symbiotic. we need eachother for me to tell him which guys are gay, and for him to tell me when guys are hitting on me (since i never know until it's pointed out to me.)
so, del rio's made me think of shaun. i'm not sure if i miss him, or just miss having someone. i'm also giving the matt possibility two more weeks. then i'm moving on and not looking back. perhaps this will be the first winter in years that i've been single. i normally don't mind being single, but lately it's been...not really bothering me, but annoying me a bit. i just want someone to sit around with and watch movies late at night while drinking wine...someone to fall asleep next to while listening to good music...someone to cook with and for...someone to drink coffee with in the morning...yeah...
right now i'm watching legend and drinking tea. i have noticed that out of the famous guy's i like...almost all of them have black hair. john cusack, trent, keanu, johnny depp...that's kind of odd since i hardly ever date guys with black hair.
well, enough rambling.
i think i ought to shower now, since i smell like pub smoke and...well, i'd rather not have my bed smelling like smoke.
"i believe. i believe. i believe. i believe the love you talk about with me. is it true, do i care. honestly, you can try to wipe the memories aside. but it's you that you erase. 'cause there's no place that i could be without you. it's too far to discard the life i once knew. honestly, all the weather storms are bringing. are just a picture of my dreams. 'cause when i think of you as mine. and allow myself with time. to lead into the life we want. i feel loved, honestly. i feel loved, this honestly. i believe you mean the best that life can bring. i believe in it all. honestly, you can try. your heart is just as long as mine. is it ours to let go. 'cause there's no place that i could be without you. it's too dark to discard the life i once knew. honestly, a single wrong is not enough. to cover up the pain in us. 'cause when i think of you as mine. and allow myself with time. to lead into the life we want. i feel loved, honestly. i'll make a joke so you must laugh. i'll break your heart so you must ask. is this the way to get us back. i don't know, honestly. i don't know, this honestly. there's no place that i could be without you. honestly. there's no place that i could be without you. there's no place that i could gleam without you. there's no place that i could dream without you. there's no place that i could be without you. honestly." -zwan