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30-01-2003 - 05:03

ah. two days off and i've accomplished pratically nothing...

i did clean. laundry...dusting...everything. it's just that i have little to no motivation to do things when my off days are tuesday and wednesday. and, there's no one to do things with on those days. grrrr...anyways, i start my 8 day work week tomorrow (actually today) and then i'll finally have friday's and saturday's off again.

bah. what a night to have insomnia...i have to leave uber early tomorrow to fight for a parking space, and then go to a boring work meeting. then i have work. and i think some of us are going out for drinks after work.

i really am going to set up my digital cam for the computer soon. i just never seem to get around to it.

well, what's been going on....

joe moved back. my sister really isn't talking to the family much. my grandmother still has to go in for tests to see if her cancer is back.

i'm not a religious person, but if i knew it would help...i'd pray to any god or entity if i knew it would help my sister and grandmother. when my grandmother was ill the first time, i did pray. i prayed to everything i could think of. and she got better. maybe i should try that again. i have this theory that if you pray to really don't have to believe in that something, but just in something good...that maybe that's all you need.

anyways...i've been visiting my grandparents about once a week (which is the least i can do since i only live 15 min away from them). i really like visiting with them. it seems to make them both so happy for me just to stop in for tea and the bbc news broadcast.

i had an odd thought earlier today...i was actually angry at my sister (whom i've not heard from since x-mas). i was angry at what she's doing to our family. my father's been seeing a doctor for his insomnia related to stress (which started up again after my sister's problems.) my grandmother is now worried about her health and my sister's life. my mother just seems so tired lately. it just makes me mad at how she could be so selfish. she's draining my parents of cash. she's not even nice to them lately.


i can't sleep. i'm hungry, but i don't know what i want to eat. i know i'm going to be cranky at work tomorrow after likely spending the good part of an hour finding a parking space, and then likely having to walk 6 blocks to actually get to work.

guess i'll just have to take some good cd's with me tomorrow. i'm getting kind of used to the cd player in my parents car that i'm borrowing. i'm half tempted to get one for my car. and, i can't wait until it warms up a bit and i can start driving my car again.

i did finally watch spiderman today. my roomate has the dvd. i liked it. and, i think that toby's hot...but in an unconventional way. still haven't seen lord of the rings II.

i also proclaim that as of now, i will start going out on dates. then i'll see lotr.

i also still have no mouse button. i'm holding out on buying one...even though they're not expensive...because my father says he has one that he'll give me.

well, i'm ending this now so i can get some food and maybe get some sleep. the plan is to attempt sleep to radiohead, thinking about you playing. or perhaps jeff buckley, lover you should've come over. i haven't decided yet.

"tonight. we can no longer try. all the time that i cried. i want you again. no one's heard this. no voice resounds. no one's around. and i can't believe that. what i have become. no one. it's over now..." -remy zero



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