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20-03-2003 - 06:23

guilt. i feel a bit guilty that every time things go well, in my life, things seem to go poorly with someone else i know. like when i had my college open house/grad party in the wake of my cousins death. now while my life is going well, my sister's is going the exact opposite direction. it seems like an inverse relationship. the better i do, the worse she does. i am employee of the sister is going to jail.


my sister received a ticket last week for running a red light. (supposedly while on her way back home from an aa meeting.) she may have received another ticket, but we're not sure. she's been going to meetings for a couple of months now...and suddenly she gets lost on the way home?

well, she had a meeting with her very expensive drug/alcohol counselor this week....and what did she do? she went out drinking at the bar (during the day)before going to the meeting. she's not allowed in establishments that serve alcohol and she's not allowed to drink as part of her probation. she did both. she left from the bar and went straight to the counselor. smart. brilliant. the counselor could tell that she was had been drinking and made her take a breathalizer.

when she was in front of the judge for her sentencing, the judge told her that if she was presented before him again...he was going to send her to jail. now we'll see for how long. on monday, he's going to tell her how long she's going for...if he's nice, he'll just send her for the weekend...but, he has the ability to send her for up to 90 days. she had two parole violations and a ticket in less than 2 weeks. she's not even taking things seriously. she won't even tell my parents who she was out drinking with. my parents...who are shelling out $500 every two weeks for her breath and drug tests. the also have to pay for her counseling. and, if she's sent to jail for long...she's going to miss midterms. she may not graduate. and, her degree is pretty much worthless now. she wants to work for the dnr? (department of natural resources). they are run by the federal government...they won't hire people who have done jail time. my parents also offered for my sister to move in with them after graduating until she could get a job and get some money saved up. my sister told them that she's not going to move home...that she "will work at mcdonalds before moving home". she blames my parents for the turn her life has taken. she also took a psychological test for her probation. she did so poorly on it that they actually showed parts of it to my parents because they were worried. the only part they wouldn't show my parents was the comment parts about our family. all they said was that they were so nasty that they didn't want to upset my parents. needless to say, my sister thinks poorly of both my parents and myself, and blames us for her problems. they said that she takes no responsibility for any of her actions. and, for all the years that she's accused me of being a compulsive liar...they said that she was one. which is true. one can't believe anything she says. she's kind of hinted that my parents may have abused her...which i know for a fact isn't true. out of the whole existance of my life thus far, i've only been spanked once when i was 9-10 ish.

also, on her new father said that when he went to drop off money for her, he noticed one of the hubcaps was cracked almost in half, and there's two dents on the side. she doesn't know this yet, but they're going to take her car away before she totals it or hits someone with it while drunk. they're still making payments on it.

for now, i'm surfing ebay, and i've burnt my tongue on my tea.

"i am a one way motorway. i'm the one that drives away then follows you back home. i am a street light shining. I'm a wild light blinding bright, burning off alone. it's times like these you learn to live again. it's times like these you give and give again. it's times like these you learn to love again. it's times like these time and time again. i am a new day rising. i'm a brand new sky to hang the stars upon tonight. i am a little divided. do i stay or run away and leave it all behind? it's times like these you learn to live again. it's times like these you give and give again. it's times like these you learn to love again. it's times like these time and time again." -foo fighters



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