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26-09-2003 - 05:46

can't sleep. too much caffiene intake today. damn you free starbucks chai with expresso shots.

i was "attacked" tonight on my drive home from work by a giant spider. i fear isn't as bad as it used to be. think it's because i've not been bitten for a few years. i was able to drive off of m-14 and pull into a gas station and stop before freaking out. but, by then it had crawled into an air vent. grrrr.....

listening to music. television on mute. incense burning.

i've had a lot of people ask me lately why i like anime. i've discovered i really have no answer for it. it's just something i like. it's kind of like when you hear a song you love...there's this great feeling. almost like falling in love. like the first electric kiss of the new person you're dating. it's a little chunk of happiness that i wish i could share with others. it's hard to explain...or maybe i'm just bad at explaining it...

have to do a lot of cleaning tomorrow night when i get home from work. ryan's party is saturday night, and i won't have any time to clean up right before the party as that whole working thing will be going on.

something else i've been thinking about a bit lately. it's not plagueing me or bothering me, but it's been on my mind off and on for the past few days. my mother mentioned that i would "attract some better guys" (as in doctors, lawyers, and such) if i had less masculine interests. mentioned that the good guys out there aren't going to go for a girl who has anime action figures displayed in her bedroom and movie posters on her walls. i do wonder if this is true for the most part. but i also think that i wouldn't be happy dating someone who didn't like the fact that i have these things. granted it likely indicates that i'm immature, but with everyone trying so hard to grow up, i don't mind.

i was hanging out with my grandparents the other day too. they're great. and, no matter if i've already eatten, they still feed me. i find it sad that there's people out there who have to force themselves to hang out with their family. it's really too bad. but then again, my own sister has to do that. and she really brings it upon herself for a poor time with the family. rapid mood swings. always bringing new boys by. i do think that it was in poor taste for her to bring some strange guy over for easter dinner. oh well. not much i can do about it except keep some extra bail money ready for if she gets arrested again.

for having a late coffee, i probably shouldn't have had so much tea. that and i shouldn't have eatten so much left over easter candy. (yes, easter candy from easter 2003).

thinking of purchasing a tripod for my camera. it has an auto-adjust, but it's just not the same.

it's starting to get cold now. fall is finally here. these are always the best times to curl up in bed next to someone. or just dress warmer. my only option currently is the latter.

anyways. day break is approacing fast. or at least faster than i'd like...

"and once again. you'll pretend to know me well, my friends. and once again, i'll pretent to know the way, thru the empty space. thru the secret places of the heart....i walk alone. i walk alone to find the way home. i'm on my own. i'm on my own to see the ways, that i can't help the days. you will make it home o.k. i know you can, and you can....and once again, you'll pretend to know that there's an end. that there's an end to this begin. it will help you sleep at night. it will make it seem that right is always right, alright..."-the smashing pumpkins



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