09-01-2003 - 03:47
today i met the head make-up artist for george lucas. said lucas is filming a movie in detroit over the next few days...
watching a movie on television right now "playing by heart". i've never heard of it, but there's a lot of famous people in it. the intro song was good, but it's going down hill from there...
ah. days off. i just finished an 8 day work week, and i've been ill for most of it. i'm not ill very often...maybe that's why i'm so miserable when i'm ill...i'm just not used to it. anyways...things at the apartment are quite messy. i even unclogged the drain/garbage disposal thingy with my bare hand. i usually use chopsticks, but there was like half a salad in there. so, i finally faced my fear of hands and grabage disposals.
my orchids aren't doing their best right now. i haven't been paying enough attention to them.
my big plans for my days off...i think i'm going to purchase some more fish. neon tetras. i'll visit my grandparents. buy some good food. buy some hangers (about 2 weeks or so ago i managed to step on a pile of hangers that were mixed up in my clothes and broke a bunch of them...and bruised the bottom of my foot at the same time). i need to clean my bedroom and bathroom. then i'll likely go to see some bands. and who knows what else...
still another few hours till more sudafed (or how ever it's spelled). while i'm feeling better, i'm still ill. after this rather odd movie that i've been sucked into, i will be going to sleep.
i keep getting distracted from my computer...
and a quick look into myself...
i realize that i often times miss opportunities. while i am very stubborn in some aspects, i give up easily on others. i stick with my goals even when things look bleak. in relationships i give up too easily...actually, i don't think i get involved enough in them. slight distance. dislike of not having control. and i'm not a control fanatic...not at all. it's just that i have so little control of anything else in my life. it's odd that i know my "problems" and "faults", but i do nothing to change them. i'm comfortable with them...used to them.
..but there is always change. i start class this week. forensic investigation. i am starting to make plans ahead of time for doing things with friends (i rarely make plans). and, like back in college, i'm meeting new and interesting people that do fun and interesting things.
can't sleep. i want to hop in my car and drive somewhere new. i have a 4 day weekend coming up in a month. i think i'm going to travel. i have my refund plane ticket from "the great blackout of 2003", when i was going to go to new york. it's a bit cold to be in ny for my first time, but i'm sure i can find something. maybe i'll go to chicago, or mexico. all i need now is someone to travel with...or i could just have an adventure on my own...
"where are you and i'm so sorry. i cannot sleep, i cannot dream tonight. i need somebody and always...this sick strange darkness comes creeping on, so haunting every time. and as i stared i counted webs from all the spiders catching things and eating their insides like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason. will you come home and stop this pain tonight..." -blink 182
