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01-06-2004 - 03:49

i sliced the tip of my finger today on a box. not much fun...i have some generic liquid bandage stuff covering it. it doesn't sting, but it kind of burns. i sliced it just right where it didn't even bleed.

today was troy's last day. it's going to be so odd now that he's gone. he's the person that i've seen the most for the past two years. i hung out with him at work at least 5 days a week. i hung out with him after work. i also hung out with him on some of our days off. he gave me his sweater that's too big, but comfortable. he also gave me his leatherman tool that everyone's been asking him for. it's almost like death. it's kind of like he willed things to people. everyone keeps asking me how i'm doing and what i'm going to do after troy's gone. he took the place of andy. andy used to cheer me up in college. we'd talk about everything no matter how trivial or random it was. troy did the same. we'd go on our starbucks missions. hang out and eat ice cream in the auditorium. compete on who could break into a car the fastest. work on our cars together. watch extreme elimination challenge. sing south park songs together. it will be weird not driving him home every week night. it will be hard to find someone else who just constantly makes me feel better about myself.

i called takkun tonight. he hasn't called back. i just really wanted to hear his voice tonight. i need something to cheer me up. i actually cried on my drive home. not all out balling, but there were tears and sniffles.

i was going to finish up kenshin tonight, but i'm just not in the mood for anime. take note. that will likely be one of the only time that will ever be stated. currently i'm drinking ballatore red spumante and eatting tina's microwave burritos.

it's nights like these that it would be nice to not be alone.

i hear police sirens in the distance. now i'm eatting stale pretzels. some random asian guy who lives in novi has started emailing me. we've emailed back and forth for the past few days. don't know how he found me online. guess it's always good to meet new people.

i think i'm going to be hanging out with aimee on wednesday. that'll cheer me up. i also hope she likes her birthday gifts. i had to plan around things that her cats won't eat.

"i could worry. worry about you. but i've been through that, all before. i could lie back and let you fade out. if you think any other friend would do more. i believed you. when you held up your head and bullshit your way out of time. could it be? that i'm over you. or maybe i'm tired of keeping you alive...every hour. every minute you wait. forget about counting on me to come through. you're collected and ready to break. i'm not gonna hold your hand like a fool...." -ruth ruth



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