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25-11-2004 - 03:21

it's weird. i've been thinking about mark and irv lately. both of them died at around this time of the year...just what seems like ages ago.

i was thinking earlier of when mark and i went jet skiing around this time back in high school. it was right before our parents put them away for the winter. i recall it being in the first week or two of november. no snow. i was wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants over long johns. sunglasses on with the hood of my sweatshirt tied tight. riding around in the water freezing but not wanting to turn in. this thought turned into the time when mark first started at my school and we were in mr.dickens class. we sat in the back of the class and he kept trying to convince people that his name was spelled marck. it was some sort of basic science class that i can't even remember. just the mr. dickens looked like captain planet and that mark and i used to try to slowly scoot our desks out the back door and see if anyone noticed. we'd usually be half way down the hall before anyone said anything. i think our excuse was always something to the effect of "oh, i was just out using the bathroom" or something. i also remember when we went to that dance together. all dressed up. mark brought me a coursage (or however that's spelled). i recall wearing a flannel shirt with a "cure" patch on it as a jacket. this had to have been before we started watching the x-files every friday night. the two of us would sit on the sofa loungy thing (that my parents gave to my sister) and my mother would pop us popcorn with tons of butter. i think i got him hooked on the obscene amounts of butter thing.

if you can't tell. i'm in a bit of a down mood tonight.

yesterday i talked with my grandmother about hospice and i think i've convinced her to undergo radiation therapy. she's actually doing quite well for...well having cancer in her lungs and bones. it hasn't taken over her liver yet, so she's likely got at least 6 months.

i guess i'm also finally going to put my application into wayne for the biomedical forensics. as if school wasn't punishing me enough...yeah...i'm going for my masters. so, one fine day in 2095 i'll hopefully be done with it all and be over with the schooling.

hmmm...another mark memory. well, not really about him, but...i remember on the way to his funeral. ryan was driving and i was in the passenger seat. i remember we were driving down the road and we weren't talking or anything. for some odd reason i had reached over to rest my hand on the ledge of the door where the inside handle was and a giant spider ( was of decent size) crawled out. i then of coarse shreaked for ryan to kill it or something and he disposed of it. funny how i don't like spiders yet now that i think of it, they're around me during sad situations.

i was thinking about the smiths...and good album titles. i'm not sure why, but the title "louder than bombs" just really stands out...

hmmm...the usually happy part of my brain seems to be trying to divert my attention with music ramblings...


"when you say it's gonna happen "now", well, when exactly do you mean? see i've already waited too long, and all my hope is gone. you shut your mouth. how can you say i go about things the wrong way? i am human and i need to be loved. just like everybody else does." -the smiths



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