19-12-2004 - 00:34
i should be working on my paper (while at work) but my brain just doesn't want to work right now.
well. where are things at here...
i called in sick to work the other two days. i had the food poisoning from hell where i puked for two days off and on. i've since recovered.
i finally started my gift shopping the other day. i am not the happy holiday shopper. long lines. no place to park. rude sales people. at least i'm almost done. too bad i can't say the same for my final essay paper...
my sister and her skeezy boyfriend finally broke up. appearently he's moving on on january 1st. he also appearently paid this past months rent (which he's not paid for ages) by pawning things at the pawn shop. oddly enough, my sister's diamond necklace went "missing" around this time.
i've had a sub-par while lately. yesterday a drunk we had to restrain at work spit on me. tried to spit in my face, but i dodged it and instead his nasty filth landed on my work sweater. bleah.
i also haven't been able to sleep lately. it's the strangest thing. i didn't sleep for days prior to my illness...and i've not slept much since then. i'm really only getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night and it's not even straight through. it's in blocks of 20-30 minutes. i feel tired...not not more so than usual. i get home from work. can't sleep. finally fall asleep. wake up. sleep. wake up. repeat. i've also been getting up before my alarms (yes, as in multiple) go off. the past few days i've been in my kitchen or shower when they've gone off. i've also not been able to sleep at all with any music playing...which is the complete opposite of how things normally work out.
i kind of just want to sleep for days. i'm sure that if time stood still, i could sleep for a week and be fine.
right now i just really want to curl up next to someone and try to sleep.
i called takkun again. left a message. i was hoping that he'd call back since i figure he'll be in michigan for the holiday. it's weird. going from talking to takkun almost every night, to not hearing from him for ages. it can't be that he has a girlfriend 'cause we were still talking when he started dating her. oh well. i've made my effort.
i guess this is it for now. there's so much i'm leaving out, but i just can't think right now.
"so deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me off guard, red handed. now i'm far from lonely. asleep i see you lying next to me. so deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me i...i need something else. would someone please just give me...hit me, knock me out and let me go back to sleep. i can laugh all i want, inside i am still empty. so deep that it didn't even bleed and and catch me i...i'll be fine. pretending i'm not. i am far from lonely and that's all that i've got..." -the used