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25-02-2006 - 23:37

so. i am no longer dating the ninja. after almost a year, he broke up with me. the bad part is that towards the end there, i completely fell for him. and now i don't even have the words to describe things.

things ended because he said he just didn't love me and it wasn't fair to either of us. the odd thing is that after all of this time, only recently did we really start to get to know each other. so now we are no longer dating. when i get back from vegas (more info to follow) we are going to meet up again (in about a month) and try and start things as friends and see what happens. we kind of did rush into things in the beginning. there really was no initial friend part, we just started dating. i still can't decide if it's a bad thing if i would still want to get back together with him. so now things are just strange. my home phone is completely charged because he won't be calling me every day to make sure i'm awake...so the phone just stays in the charger. i'm no longer setting the alarm on my phone to remind me to wake him up on certain mornings that he has to work early. it all just seems like a dream. us dating. everything that happened. breaking up. i woke up today and for a split second thought of calling him to tell him that two of his favourite shows were on last night (this morning) before i went to sleep...then i realized that he's not really there to call any more. i was used to both of us making random calls about things. stuck in traffic. driving past a strange sign. something funny happening at work.

anyways. right now i'm ill. came home sick from work last night. took tonight off. i've been starting to get ill for about a week now (worst sinus infection i've ever had) and being upset about the ninja and not sleeping/eatting right for the past few days hasn't helped any. the worst point was this morning. slowly starting to get better. keep coughing. and as nasty as it sounds, the coughing is from sinus drainage. i just hope i get over this before it becomes bronchitus or how ever that's spelled. my mother kinda has the same thing right now. she ended up on antibiotics for it. i think i cought it soon enough to prevent that. been drinking gatorade and powerade. haven't eatten much. the same thing causing the cough is also making my stomach ookie. it hasn't yet gotten to the point where i tip my head down and there's a blinding pain right behind my eyes.

so, i am finally going to vegas. i was so excited before. i still am, but it's different. it's no longer coming home to someone in the same way. i'm going to vegas with beckie, jackie and her cousin. i will have fun there. i know that much. but i will also be sad for a while. at least a little while longer.

right now i've cried so much, that i'm dehydrated. so the sports drinks are helping on more than one level. everything hurts right now. i'm not sure if it's because of the illness or the break up...or both. i think that both is likely. i can say that this was the worst break up i've ever been through. i just wish that it didn't happen right now. huge homework set due on monday. exam the monday after. final project due soon. huge presentation for it and mid-sized paper on it as well. so, i guess i'll get back to the whole working on homework for a bit, napping, drinking powerade, crying, watching television cycle that i've been on.

well...i guess i will get back to that...

"...baby, you've got to be more demanding. i will be yours. what are you holding out for? what's always in the way? why so damn absent-minded? why so scared of romance? this modern love breaks me. this modern love wastes me. do you wanna come over and kill some time? tell me facts, tell me facts, tell me facts, tell me facts. throw your arms around me." -bloc party

 

 

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