01-03-2006 - 11:29
still on my posting marathon. it's helping me stay awake. off and on posting.
sometimes a person thinks they are invincible. tough as nails. i think that these people are actually the most vulnerable. i wonder if they realize...
singing along to the pup named scooby-doo cartoon theme song that's on. why can my brain hold the theme songs for almost every cartoon known to man...but i can't even remember most people's birthdates or their significant other's last names?
my asian kung fu generation better show up soon. overstock emailed me and said it was sent out yesterday. music like medicine. it cures many ails. including mood poisoning.
i wonder if i should phone takkun today. i just realized that he's been there for all of my bad break ups. even one time put on a bright green sports coat that he'd gotten from the thrift shop and danced around my dorm room. he was also one of the few people who knew i was dating irv when he died. i think he brought my pie for that one. i just realized something...i'm not even sure if ryan knew/knows about that...i think he may have been in paris that semester. i must have told him sometime...
i think i mentioned that darcy has invited me out to chicago. i may go on one of my weekends off in may. i also need to start going back to fraziers in ann arbor. used to go there all the time a little while back.
read the entire flcl manga. only two books, so it's not much. i really should be studying, but i just can't bring myself to do so yet.
nothing on television right now. i think that right after my exam next week...even though i have to work on my final project...i'm going to have to find a friend who can stay up all night and just drink until the world makes sense...or the statue of liberty looks hot.
spilling my brain. spilling my heart. it feels good to get everything out. it feels good to take responsibilty fully for my part of things not working out between myself and the ninja. i miss him more than anything right now. i wonder if he misses me. i wonder if he wakes up and wonders where i'm at for that split second. one of my favourite exchanges with him was when he called me one day. told me that that morning he woke up and was confused for a second that i wasn't there sleeping next to him. told me that he missed me and wished i was there. actually said something to the effect that he was sad for a moment that i wasn't there. he really can say the sweetest things sometimes. and whether i have a chance of getting back together with him or not...i hope he realized what a beautiful and amazing person he is.
i must admit that while i fully believe i could take on the world right now...i don't think i would have been strong enough to have made it through this past year and even things up until this very instant with out the friends i have. few things are better than being upset and just having someone say something like that they wish they knew something they could say or to do make you feel better and know that they mean it.
i really hope that the ninja is happy. i also hope that seeing lucy will cheer him up as much as i think he thinks it will. i also hope that maybe he will resolve things with her (i honestly don't know if he has) and maybe decide that he wants to be with me. i kinda wish i could meet her. i like experiencing the people who affected those i know in vast ways.
am i a hopeless romantic? well...i'm hopeless anyway. and i'm oddly ok with that.
when it gets warmer...i think i'm going to walk around in a full kimono with geta. just frolick about in odd places. right now i really want to go swimming. indoors. i remember when i used to work at bauer manor in tecumseh on us-12. after work when it was warm, we'd sometimes go swimming (around 1-2am) in our clothes. at the time i had to wear black dresses to work. it's a great sensation when there spontaneous swimming/playing in water especially when you're wearing a dress as that's not such a common thing. i remember in high school i had to fill out an annonymous survery for the school counselor. in the favourite sports category, i put skinny dipping. it does after all involve swimming.
i had made the ninja a mixed cd the night before he broke up with me. there was one song i had wanted to put on there, but did not have at the time. walking after you. i ended up putting dear lover on it. i'm a big fan of the foo fighters. it's always easier expressing emotions through a mixed cd. and i just like putting them together for people in general. i always put a lot of planning into them.
"tonight i'm tangled in my blanket of clouds. dreaming aloud. things just won't do without you, matter of fact...if you'd accept surrender, i'll give up some more. weren't you adored? i cannot be without you, matter of fact...if you walk out on me, i'm walking after you. if you walk out on me, i'm walking after you..." -foo fighters