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06-03-2006 - 06:23

the following events occurred over saturday and sunday into monday morning. they are not in proper order...

last night i went out with ryan, beckie and jeff. ended up at what is now one of my new favourite bars. an irish pub in novi. ended up sitting right next to the fire place. strongbow cider. things were fun. and while having all of this fun, the thought of "the ninja would love it here" popped into my head.

someone sent me an email tonight. i almost deleted it with the junk mail, but i happened to check it just to make sure. i sometimes do this just to make sure i'm not deleting something good, but usually end up with viagra, penis enlargement, and weight loss emails. this one was rather odd. no subject. content was part of what looked to be someone's posting. in fact, it looked to be the ninja's. mentioned recently being single, working out, and had a quote from his dad on it. no date to the posting, but obviously it was recent. when i received the email (from a yahoo account), i was a bit confused. i waited to see if another email would be sent. i then checked my phones to see if anyone had called to say that they sent it. nothing. i eventually sent a message back that was returned undelivered. did a search for the yahoo name...couldn't find one. did someone open a yahoo account just to send me this post? were they trying to upset me? i really just don't understand the whole thing. but, it did make me sad. i talked to brian and he confirmed that it sounded like one of the ninja's recent posts.

i did talk to my ryan today. quite a bit in fact. told me that i have to competely expect that i will never be back with the ninja, but that it doesn't hurt to try if that's what i really want.

i just hope the ninja knows that even if he thinks i wasn't there for him, i was. and that just because we're not dating, doesn't mean that i'm not going to be there for him. always will be. maybe that sounds sad or pathetic, but i don't think so. i don't think that just because someone gives up on you, that you should give up on them. especially when you could see that there was still something there. potential.

i've slacked in my studying and homework this weekend. i guess i still feel a bit lost. there's a lot going on, and i really wish i had the ninja around to share it with. i really hope that he's happy apart from me. i hope he's getting things in order. i hope he's doing well. i also hope that there's still a chance for us. maybe not right now, but in the near future.

"do you like american music? i like american music. don't you like american music, baby? i want you to hold me. i want your arms around me. i want you to hold me, baby. did you do too many drugs? i did too many drugs. did you do too many drugs too, baby? you were born too late, i was born too soon. every time i look at that ugly moon. it reminds me of you, it reminds me of you like american music? we like american music. i like american music. baby. do you like american music? we like all kinds of music. but i like american music best. baby. you were born too late, i was born too late. but every time i look at that ugly lake, it reminds me of me. it reminds me of me..." -violent femmes



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