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07-03-2006 - 05:31 of my co-workers who started dating this guy after i was already dating the ninja got engaged a few weeks ago. looks like they got married this past weekend. they also seemed to have issues and arguements about the same times that the ninja and i had them. and actually at work, i haven't mentioned to anyone that i'm no longer seeing the ninja. i am right now the only single person on my shift that i can think of.

i really wish the ninja had just put things on hold with us and not done the whole breaking up part. i would have been fine not seeing him for a while if i knew we were really going to try things after a break. it does hurt that he's so easily able to get over things. as much as i want him to be happy, i still kind of wish things were different.

people keep warning me about all of it. hopes and such. but if you can't really get hurt any more, than why not have those? and i still don't think that he sent me the email. i don't think he'd go through the trouble of it all. i may not know him as much as i'd like to or as i thought, but from what i know, he'd not do that. he's not a mean person. perhaps just not always thoughtful. his phone number has left my recently called list. he used to call so often that most of the numbers were his. he actually called more than my mother if that can be believed.

right now i'm a bit worried about my exam on wednesday. that and the final paper/project for my class of which the end is approaching far too fast.

i'm also worried about what i'm going to do about my grandfathers birthday coming up. it is just over a week after the one year mark since my grandmother died. originally i had hoped that the ninja would be able to help me plan as my grandfather really liked him. oddly enough, out of all of the guys i've ever dated, my parents seemed to dislike him the most and my grandfather seemed to like him the most.

things that did cheer me up a bit: a russian almost doctor hit on me at work. and mike said that a guy would have to be crazy to make want to break up with me. and that he'll regret it once he realizes what he's missing. it's not true, but it is a sweet thing to say.

i really do miss the ninja more every day, and i really was pretty much over the crying part until the email. now i just have to get back to that point and hope i don't get any more of those. i wish he would call or email me. i think we have a lot to talk about. more so now than in the past.

"overwhelming as they are. breeding hope by counting stars. merge the bitterness the pain. which i'm sure you can explain again. one gets hurt when she feels small. and she's longing for some peace. beeing the center of it all. slow attack but fast release. hear the difference in vain. out of tune but just not quite the same..." -hooverphonic



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