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01-04-2006 - 07:07


i find it interesting that internet guy seems more interested in me than that ninja was for most of the time we were dating. it's kinda nice to come home and have an email saying that he hopes i had fun. he also tends to ask me how my day was and such. i guess it's just little things like that that make me realize how uninterested the ninja was. yeah, i miss the ninja. but i find myself looking forward to contacts with lee. and i'm amazed at the ninja like parallels. i'm not saying that i have dating interest in him at this time, but i do have interest. we have a lot in common and he loves when i ask questions. the ninja didn't like the questions. lee thinks that it shows interest. i guess that's what i think too. i had also half jokingly invited him to the necto tonight. i'm kinda glad he didn't come along. that would be too much like ninja vu.'s some email clips...random ones...they may not make sense, but they're cues for me to remember...

"I don't really know why I do not sleep all that much/well. Sometimes it's cos I'm doing stuff or whatever but it's often just cos I can't. I can be pretty "thinkie" sometimes and lately I have been. I usually need music on or something to sleep as well. It's kinda weird I guess."

"I'm down for the non-sleep off thing. I just don't think it would be fair. I'm just that good at it. I can do it just by thinking about my life and such. A curse most times."

"I'm shy of course. It almost seems like you're questioning it. As if I'm making it up. Why would I make up a shortcoming? The truth is on here, in text, I can seem smart. I can seem interesting. I can be random. And most of all I can talk to someone I find interesting. As I said I would've never talked to you if I saw you somewhere. I find you interesting; although you are hard to least in text. So, I for one am glad I started talking to you."

"haha I really love how you throw extra words in things. Like "good or bad" and so on. Does that mean you find me "bad"? And does that mean bad as in dumb bad or micheal jackson bad? As in the song and album of the same name? That's enough on bad for right now.

I'm just a bit uncomfortable around people I and situations I don't know. I can hide it. I can cope. It's not at all crippling. And also, there are people that I meet that in the first time in meeting them I feel very comfortable. Why this is I don't know. It usually turns out to be the wrong person and I shouldn't be around them. But at first at least it's grand. That's why these days I just mainly stick to my own and what I know. Boring to some; it's called life for me. There are many people and situations I just don't wish to know anymore. My big party days are over. My dating the wrong type of girl days are hopefully over as well. My days of treating my body terribly are also hopefully approaching an end. I guess time will tell.

Is it really that weird to you that I'm shy? That's what I'd call it more than anything. If I'm comfortable I can probably be the most outgoing person you've ever met. Nothing is out of bounds as far as conversation. I've been told I say and do things that really no one ever does. I don't try to or's just the way I am."

and finally...

"You type like I type. You may talk like I talk. I like your brain."

weird, but interesting. interesting, and entertaining. he seems like a fun person to hang out with. a love of dive bars. watching movies. random gatherings. and he sounds just as strange as me. i like how i can hassle him and he just does the same right back. the ninja always got offended. i like being able to tease someone a bit and/or call them out on stuff and to have them do the same right back. even from the start, that bothered the ninja. i mean, i still miss him. and i still kinda would like to try again from scratch, but in hindsight, i see more and more signs that screamed "this isn't gonna work". and i guess lee is in his own way helping me get over the ninja. kinda happy that he tracked me down...

"and in the end we shall achieve in time, the thing they call divine. when all the stars will smile for me. when all is well and well is all for all, and forever after. maybe in the meantime wait and see..." -spacehog



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