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03-04-2006 - 09:13

well. i ended up talking to lee for a few hours last night. he makes me laugh even more over the phone. it's kind of nice talking to people who don't make me feel bad about myself. it's great. i know i keep saying it, but it makes me realize how bad i felt dating the ninja.

i did some laundry this morning. managed to wash my chapstick. then, whilst transfering the laundry from the washer to the dryer, i sliced open the top of my knuckle. thing won't stop bleeding.

for breakfast i had wanted corned beef hash. ended up eatting spam from a can. fried with ketchup. fruit cups. orange juice.

can't go to sleep till after i'm convinced that my hand isn't going to bleed through the second bandage wrap and get all over my bed. i'm still a bit confused on how a small injury can act like some sort of port directly from my arteries.

talking to lee again via email this time. he's at work. and it's about time for me to sleep before i have to get up for class...

some more info on lee. works in an it/data department at an accounting firm. currently resides in royal oak. has two roommates. plays guitar. is really confident about some things, but not so confident in others. he has a good memory about things. and we can joke around and tease each other about stuff and he doesn't get offended. he actually rememinds me a lot of the ninja. but the good aspects of the ninja. i seem a bit reluctant about this internet meeting in person transition. i'm trying not to be. i've actually met a lot of really great people online. but i think i'm actually afraid of another ninja episode. so, as to not be held back by the ninja-ness, i am going to meet up with him. i haven't had a bad meet up yet. not even hanging out with futile in new york. i guess i'm just worried about getting hurt again. the ninja was so masterfully skilled in the way of hurting me on the mental/emotional level. so, much like anything else that you fear (unless it's spiders) guess you just have to confront it. and i really don't want to miss out on hanging out with someone really fun.

"...i'm still inside here. a little bit comes bleeding through. i wish this could have been any other way. but i just don't know, i don't know what else i can do." -nin



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