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19-07-2006 - 14:53

so. i had asked ryan last night if he thought i should phone jobe since i'd not heard from him that day. ryan said i might as well, nothing to lose. it was late, so i figured that i'd phone him the next day. well, almost exactly an hour after getting off the phone with ryan, jobe called. talked for about an hour. and then he came out in the not so plesant storm from half an hour away. turns out he'd text messaged me a few times earlier, but as i have that function turned off on my phone, i didn't get those. he thought that perhaps i was ignoring him.

we ended up talking for hours. watched all of flcl. talked. kissed. fully clothed. and were just curled up on my bed with the ac turned way up covered in blankets. he didn't get to my place till after 1am...and didn't leave till after 11am.

and as completely insane as it sounds, on the attraction and chemical level...he's perfect. when he compliments me, it doesn't seem forced. with a lot of people, they don't intend it that way, but they often times do seem forced. i also don't have a problem with him touching my face. i've always been bothered by that, including with the ninja. so much for ignoring any interest in him. he just touches my hand and it feels like my heart jumps. it's all like high school but times 10. it's strange. it's not like the average guy talks to me, i'm not that interested. guy keeps talking to me. eventually i go out with him and maybe even eventually like him. how did this happen? unknown. i assume that everything is the way it is because it's all bran new and for a limited time. it's the only thing i can figure.

and, i'm pretty sure i explained the coincidences of how it came about that he came out with us, but not in exact detail. so, for the records, here it goes. a while back i hurt my knee in hapkido and by getting hit by that car at work. that night after hapkido, my knee was hurting really badly and i was supposed to go out with andy to the bar. so, i popped in the er to nap a free wrap for my knee since the downtown cvs was out of them. after getting one and wrapping my knee, i was about to drive out of the er lot and jobe walked over to my car to say "hi". well, he noticed my sword in the car and asked if he could take a look at it (he was there when kurtz dropped off the sword to me while i was at work and i didn't want to unwrap it at while i was working and in uniform.) so, i stopped in a parking space and showed him the weapon and he asked what i was doing and such. told him that andy and i were going out for drinks and that he and the other other andy should come along and it went from there.

i wonder about the timing of everything. if i'd gotten offline just a few seconds earlier, chris wouldn't have sent me a message. if that never happened, then the ninja would never have seen my info on chris' page and never would have started talking to me. if i would have been just a few seconds or minutes faster, i would have completely avoided that car accident that killed the prism. what if i wasn't living my life just a few minutes late? i do wonder how it would have turned out, but i'm actually quite intent with where it currently is.


"yami ni magirete saiteru. kimi wa ryote de toge o kakushita. kareta kaori wa amai wana. minuiteta kedo tameshitakunatte. muki ni natta. nankai kizutsuita tte. hanetai. matomo de nanka. irarenaku natta. wake up, frenzy! teppanashi de memai ni. oboreteitai n da. itami dashita nichijo o. gyutto tsubushite kure. muishiki no mama arukeba. itsumo onaji tunnel no mae de. ima hairu no ka deta no ka. wakaranakunari kimi o sagashita. yami o mekutte. kitto isshun de ii n da. furetai. matomo de nanka. irarenaku natta. wake up, frenzy! donatta tte ii n da. wakari kitta yogen nante. zenbu kuzushite kure. wake up, frenzy! teppanashi de memai ni oboreteitai n da. itami dashita nichijo o. gyutto tsubushite kure." -the pillows

"the thorns bloomed, hidden by the darkness. you hid them with both hands. their waning aroma a sweet trap. i saw through it but wanted to test it anyway. and it enervated me. however many times i was hurt. i never reallywanted to leap away that seriously. wake up, frenzy! without restraint, dazzlingly. wanting to drown. please crush the painful everyday with just a little squeeze. with i walk about unconsciously. i find myself in front of the same tunnel every time. am i going in now? or coming out? not knowning, still i searched for you. tearing away the darkness. even for just an instant i want to touch you. i never needed it that seriously. wake up, frenzy! whatever happens is fine. don't go easy on me. just destroy all those irrefutable predictions. wake up, frenzy! without restraint, dazzlingly. wanting to drown. please crush the painful everyday with just a little squeeze." -the pillows



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