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10-08-2006 - 04:59

so. ian and i almost went to vegas today. would have been just one night out there and then back, but it still would have been fun. instead, i have concluded that it would be a bad idea to see him again before he leaves. i didn't realize it until just about an hour ago that i've gotten way too attached. appearently i've had some bad luck with that in this relationship from the start. i tried not to like him. didn't work. i tried not to get involved with him. didn't work. i tried and honestly thought i was being rather successful at it, not getting too attached. appearently that one didn't work either. i also don't know how i ended up being such a girl in this relationship. usually i'm the stereotypical guy persona in most dating-esque relationships. i'm sure that things wouldn't have worked out for long between us anyways if he was still residing in michigan, but i do think that we'd have made a rather interesting and worthwhile go at it while it did. i did email him about my thoughts on not seeing each other before he leaves. i do honestly think that that's the best option, but being perfectly honest, i also kind of hope that he finds a way to make me change my mind on that. grrrrr...he seems to bring out the best and the worst in me. all at the same time. anyways, i guess in a way i have the ninja to thank for some of this. it's kind of how someone who's never sad or depressed won't really know or appreciate how being happy. well, if it weren't for dating the ninja, i don't think i'd have realized how great ian was until it was too late and all of this wouldn't have happened.

i love how he emails me songs. what he's listening to at the time. his favourite songs. songs that he thinks i'll like. i wonder if he'll still do that from ny. he sent me the flaming lips one today...

i guess i'm rambling. he has already said that he wants to see me when he's back in town, but that won't be till around thanksgiving. damn. ian's got me watching project runway even. and now it's just past the middle of my night. i've napped off and on since 23:30. ian's home feeling rather ill. ah. alas, i am finally at a lack of words...

"and though they were sad, they rescued everyone. they lifted up the sun. a spoonful weighs a ton. giving more than they had. the process had begun. a million came from one. the limits now were none. being drunk on their plan, they lifted up the sun. forcing it off with their hands. the trap door became undone. above our heads it swung. the privilage had been won. being drunk on their plan, they lifted up the sun. yelling as hard as they can. the doubters all were stunned. heard louder than a gun. the sound they made was love." -the flaming lips



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