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01-09-2006 - 05:39

so, i finally heard from ian. he is in fact ok. he left me a long voice mail message. the strange thing is that the tone and everything was just as if we'd been talking every day. he also replied back to my message i left him on saturday as if he'd just listened to it earlier in the day. i'm relieved and angry all at the same time.

andy: so, how much do you like him?
me: i don't know...
andy: i just worry about my friends and i don't like to see any of them get their hearts broken. so, i guess just be careful.

the thing is. i think that i do know how much i like him. maybe i just hope that if i don't say it out loud, maybe it won't be true. as for the broken heart thing...if it happens, i would have to say that it was/would be well worth it. i guess i was just caught a bit off guard by him. strange chemistry. strange attraction.

in other news. i have been asked out more in the past week than the past few months. it's strange. i must be somehow giving off the "i'm available" vibe.

so, here it is. what i don't want to admit. yes. i really like ian. in love with him? probably not. do i miss him? yeah. more than i thought i would. am i jealous that he might meet other girls out there? yes. which is a rather new thing for me. would i want to keep dating him if he were still living in michigan? yes. i don't think i've had better chemistry with any guy i've met so far. does this mean that i'll wait around for him? no. i'm not planning on actively seeking anyone else, but i don't think i'll avoid it either. if he asked, would i not see anyone else? yeah. but i know he won't, and i don't blame him.

anyways. guess i ought to stop typing and find something else to do...

"what a beautiful face i have found in this place, that is circling all 'round the sun. what a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a blink of an eye and be gone from me. soft and sweet. let me hold it close and keep it here with me. and one day we will die, and our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea. but for now we are young, let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see. love to be, in the arms of all i'm keeping here with me...what a beautiful face i have found in the place, that is circling all 'round the sun. and when we meet on a cloud, i'll be laughing out loud, i'll be laughing with everyone i see. can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all." -neutral milk hotel

"men who do nothing but dream should stay in their dreams forever." -roger smith



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