Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

04-04-2008 - 01:21

driving today, the first song that i heard all the way through was it's a shame about ray. window down. music up loud. singing along.

anyways. "the boy" came out today. he sounded like he didn't want to come out, but stated otherwise. so, like expected, he came out pretty late. and like expected, he fell asleep pretty much right after showing up. so, to let him sleep, i'm on a different room. think i'll just sleep out here so i don't keep him awake. the last night i get to see him and...well...i really don't get to see him.

so, i had a really bad day today. didn't work on my paper. had a hassle at the car place. didn't get the oil change. issues with the boy. (and when i say today, i really mean yesterday since it's after midnight.)

oh. and my parents once again made me feel completely worthless again. it's been a while since this has happened. i mean usually there's a couple of verbal direct strikes, but today was just an entire attack. i think part of it is that they're upset about my sister and about the fact that april is a bad month for all of us. maybe it's just easier to take it out on someone.

i also know that i complain a lot on here about guys. well, here's my current situation. i figure some day i'll look back on all of this and wonder why i even bother...
so. for the past couple of months, i've been handing out with someone. i stay at his place. he stays at mine. from the outside it would probably look like we were dating. on the inside, he says that we're "friends". as i mentioned before, tonight was the last night we could actually hang out at night since he will be on the exact opposite night shift of me. my supervisor was actually working on trying to get him onto our shift (where he was originally intended to go) but has heard word that he doesn't want to switch to our shift. well, i guess i shouldn't be bothered that he doesn't want to switch even though it would mean we could actually hang out, but i am. so, to find the good in all of this, i figure that it really is for the best. friends can talk through emails and such. and this give him a good back out for our rather odd friendship. that way he can not have to hang out with me and officially, it's not his fault. then we really can be friends through email and such.

so. i hope to get my paper done this weekend at work and finish up on monday since it's due tuesday. maybe i'll see if i can join along with the tuesday subaru outing for some cheering up. after this paper is due, i have a week with nothing before the next lab. i think i need to get out more. i've really spent a lot of time with "the boy" lately and have kind of limited things. not that i mind having hung out with him a lot, just noticing that i've not hung out much with others.

i think that i do need to make some changes. i know i say this often, and often i do make changes. sometimes changes are needed to just pull out of things that have gotten too routine...

"if i make it through today, i'll know tomorrow not to put my feelings out on display. i'll put the cobwebs back in place. i've never been to good with names, but i remember faces..." -lemonheads (non-acoustic)



previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!