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06-04-2008 - 01:49

driving into work today, i heard a head automatica song. haven't heard it for ages, but it's catchy. so catchy it's been stuck in my head all day. had to nab it online. there's someone that it reminds me of, but i can't quite place who right now. i'm sure i'll remember if/when i see that person next.

i haven't talked to my parents since the yelling incident over the phone. nothing quite like being berated to bring up ones spirits.

other other asian mike invited me out tonight (cheer up drinks and a show), but i had to work. probably going to the outing on tuesday. might have a co-worker outing on tuesday if i don't go to the first stated outing. i've got set plans for this coming up saturday and the next saturday i have off. potential plans to get into the dalai lama's speil on the 20th. no one really wanted to go with me when there were tickets for sale, but then a bunch of people are willing to attempt to get in last minute. strange huh? i also actually have the thursday off for the portishead thing at proof, so hopefully i'll go to that to. i'm not sure if people are trying to cheer me up, or if it just happens that a bunch of things are going on and people just want me to come along. but, i think that distraction will work just fine right now.

anyways, sister's sinking even more. family members are keeping an eye on my uncle to make sure he doesn't try to kill himself again (anniversary of steven's death is on the 13th). parents are doing well. united in their anger towards me right now.

i do know that as time passes, things will get better. i remember everything to do with steven's death. i remember that i was with christina and her fiancee looking at churches for her wedding when we got the call. steven was up and talking till the last second. i also remember crying in the rain near church steps on the year anniversary. i don't cry about that one any more. and, every year gets better with my grandmothers death as well. new rule: family and friends just have to quite checking out on me.

happy news: i have learned a lot about myself in the past few days. so, lessons learned. knowledge gathered. i've also had some rather promising couch surfing offers. i might just have to take some of them up just to pick up and get out of here for a bit.

"you, you want nothing to do with me. you, you want nothing to do with me. i, i don't know what to do with you, 'cuz you don't know what you do to me..." -head automatica



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