24-04-2008 - 08:13
so. i give up on "the boy". maybe he'll make an effort to hang out eventually and maybe i'll be able to. either way, i have officially given up on him. yes, i'll respond to any emails. yes, i'll answer the phone if he calls. but no longer will i make any effort to hang out with him. if he wants to do something, he can ask me and he can come out here. guess i'm just sick of hearing him say that he wants to hang out and he wants to see me and such, but then can't follow through. he says he doesn't make plans. since he knows i have a busy schedule, if he's not willing to make plans, then he is not really willing to make any effort at being friends.
laura doesn't know exactly what's going on, but i mentioned the basics. she said that as a friend, she's starting to "dislike this guy". said that i should stop calling him and contacting him. that i should give civil responses if i want, but pretty much that the guy i'm talking about which happens to be "the boy" sounds like he's being an ass and doesn't sound worth the trouble. i think the phrase used was that it sounds like this guy is being a "pissy bastard". so, i think jim has finally wised up. looks like i won't be letting myself be trailed along by someone who's not acting very friend like.
anyways. "the boy" just called me back. complete ass. guess laura had it right. lately he makes me feel bad every time we talk. he bitches about me not saying things on the phone, but then he cuts me off when i do talk or he has to go when i start talking. it's almost funny. there were a million things i liked about him up until just recently. friend-wise. guy i like-wise. now none of those things apply. did i find how who he really is? is he just a mean person? or is it only around me? do i just bring out the worst in him? if he had gone to my shift like originally planned...would i have found out this side of him? i don't know. i do think he's a nice person to other who aren't me. this thought kind of makes me sad, but something that i have to accept. now i just have to give up.
i hate giving up on things. stubborn. i mean, i guess we could be "friends" if i expected nothing of him and didn't care about him. but i don't consider people at that kind of level friends.
"akehanashita mado ni mawaru ranbu no deep sky ah aoide..." -nana
"i throw open the window and turn to the stormy deep sky. ah and i look up..." -nana