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10-07-11 - 07:43

first off, i shall complete my steps i was discussing on my next day off.

second, i'm in a tad bit of a weird spot. there's a doctor with some interest in me. i wonder if i can get over the doctor thing and actually go out on a date with him. i really have always wanted to avoid the doctors, lawyers, cops, fire fighters, etc. i've also been pretty good at doing so for the most part.

i've been trying to figure out things lately. things about myself. did i predict that things weren't good at that first kiss? what was that that happened? there was something that i felt or an emotion of some sort that i was not familiar with. i just wish i could figure that out. i need to figure it out. it's like if i figure that out, so much will make sense.

right now i've got so much school work that it's once again starting to feel overwhelming. i had a bad dream again. well, actually more than one. one was the day before ben told me about his dad. the other was the morning that jackie told us about her uncle in the icu. i know my dreams aren't like the ones my grandmother had, but i wonder if it's still something. her dreams would involve events as they happened that would be true. mine just seem to let me know when bad things are going to happen to/around the people i care for. and i know it's cheesy to say, but they never happened before that car accident that should have killed me. which, by the way, i was thinking about today when my hand cramped up while breaking into a car for someone for work.

anyways, i was thinking of that quote i posted a little while back. i think it's something i have to keep in mind. "the greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."

with that...
"a million miles away. your signal in the distance. to whom it may concern. i think i lost my way. getting good at starting over. every time that i return..." -foo fighters



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