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20-01-15 - 08:57

it's funny how much has changed since i first started posting on here and how much hasn't changed at all.

i still don't set my alarm clocks on numbers ending in zero or five. no reason why.

i still get stir crazy staying put for too long.

i still hope that one day i will meet a guy who doesn't mind getting married in vegas by elvis and who listens to at least half of the same music as i do.

i have learned to pick up more on when guys are hitting on me, although often i still don't notice.

i have learned how to carry a purse after watching a whole lot of j-dramas. i can pull it off naturally when i'm playing someone else, or at least a different persona.

i am still awkward at hugging people, but i can pull that off as well now.

i currently have someone stuck in my head. they don't belong there and i'm not quite sure why i keep thinking about them. figured i'd post about it here and maybe putting that down would sort things out.

i think i'm going to have to go to peru this year. jeff went without me last year and i've wanted to go for such a very long time. i asked shin if he is interested in going with me. ah. i forgot to update that as well. for years, shin in combination with ryan and beckie made it so that i didn't really need to seriously date anyone. they filled in for all of the out-of-bedroom activities that a boyfriend would normally fill. 2 years ago april, he moved to california. the last time i saw him was just before he moved. we ended up at a wine tasting event. drunk and sitting in the parking lot of his work place, i'm not sure what exactly started it, but we ended up making out. only time ever. after knowing him since i moved out this ways. i never liked nor disliked him in a more than friend way, but it was interesting.

on the topic of travel, i also think i might go to italy for my birthday trip. i asked my friend joe to join me (being italian and all), but i don't think he will. it's one thing to spare in parking lots with someone and to vent over drinks with them, but it's another to travel with someone. we get along great here, but i don't know if we would be very compatible as travel companions. plus, he seems more of a hotel staying and lounging or strict plan kind of traveler. i'm more of the whimsical traveler. vague plans, definite location and flights, random museums, etc.

i also kind of want to visit new orleans this year. not because i hooked up with a hot new orleans guy when i was in costa rica, but because i have also wanted to visit there for some time. as for new orleans the guy? well, he was in the hotel room next to mine. i met up with him and his cousin the night before they left back for the states after getting sick of all of the guys at new yorks (bar owner originally from nyc) bar that kept groping me. we ended up going around town with his cousin. excessive, i mean EXCESSIVE drinking. when we had closed out every bar in town (jaco), we went back to his room, the three of us to drink more. finally the cousin went to his room to pass out and we were in his room watching a movie. 10 minutes in and their taxi showed up. then just caught up in a moment while his cousin was next door packing.

so, i can get action in costa rica on a week day, but none in vegas. not any of the times i've gone. i wonder if that means something.

2015. i've been avoiding really talking to my mom. funny how my mood and happiness are great this year. my uncle who had a stroke at the tail end of 2013 is doing worse. my grandfather, his health, and his memory are doing worse. my sister and her family...they are so in debt i would probably have a panic attack if i were in her situation. i sometimes wish i could walk away from it all. just leave behind any and all family obligations. i do sometimes wonder if i was raised american and my sister was the one raised more japanese. then i snap back to reality. i like who i am. everything that has happened to me in the past makes me who i am today. the stress, the shame, the smiles, the good, the bad.

i bought a mood ring in vegas. the entire time i wore it there and for a few days upon returning home, it was blue. now it ends up a mix of at least four colours at once. nick says it's because i'm a complex girl who can multitask emotions. kind of a cute statement. it does kind of make me want to run out to chicago and see him. i could definitely embarrass him in front of his girlfriend with stories from high school. or even astronomy explorers!

lately i've had a date stuck in my head. as in for the past 2 months. 12th february. for a while i was thinking it must be because of the final fantasy orchestra show that i'm seeing with some friends in february, but that's on the 7th. i did recently discover that it's a friend of mines' birthday, but there has to be something else associated with that day. it's been in my dreams.

as for my other dreams lately? well, they've been in black and white or shades of blue lately. in them there's something i'm supposed to do or have done, but i don't know what it is. sometimes i'm running from someone. dark, rain filled alleys somewhere in japan. sometimes jumping off a boat to get away and swimming to shore somewhere where it's warm.

i'm also starting to think my theme song soundtrack has expanded. now beyond the weezer song, i have one by taylor swift and one by calle 13.

"por te, todo lo que hago lo hago por ti. es que tu me sacas lo mejor de mi. soy todo lo que soy porque tu eres todo lo que quiero..." -calle 13

"for you everything i do i do for you. it is because you bring out the best in me. i am everything i am because you are all i want..." -calle 13



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