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03-02-15 - 01:17

there are so many things swirling around in my brain right now...

yesterday my mother actually acknowledged my contribution to the family while on the phone. my uncle who had a stoke and should have died about a year ago has a doctors appointment today and i was talking about if they needed me to go along to make sure my other aunt and uncle ask the proper questions of the new doctor. my mother actually said that i didn't need to go. that i already do enough for the family. i honestly don't even know what to say or think after that. what i do know is that come proper morning, i am going to buy myself a lovely bottle of scotch (hopefully oban) to celetrate. i sometimes wonder how sad and/or pathetic i might be to have something so little from her make or break me for lack of better words.

i also just finished watching the movie clueless. it's been a very very long time since i had watched it. i'm not sure if i had realized before or not that it's an interpretation of a jane austen story. maybe also because i've been watching a lot of jane austen based movies lately, but it just really hit me how much i love a story where an unconventional couple forms and the guy or girl fall for someone that they know, but never looked at in such a way before. it reminds me to not take things for granted and to always keep my eyes open.

clueless also made me realize that it's been a very very long time since i've had one of those real kisses. yeah i've dated guys since. slept with some great guys since. kissed some decent and great guys since...but i'm trying to think back to the last time i had one of those weak in the knees where everything feels right kind of kisses. when you can't rightly recall such a thing, you know it's been too long.

work had been dreadful lately. we've been working short staffed most of the time. not just short staffed, but dangerously short staffed. it's only a matter of time before someone is gravely injured. fortunately during my tenure there i've only sprained an ankle, had my jaw dislocated, and ended up with some bruises/scrapes.

at least i always have travel to fall back on. looks like maybe a march trip with jeff back to vegas or to sedona. some flight research is in order for today.

breathe in. breathe out. i don't know how to feel today. i am cold and feel like i'm on the verge of something happening. my dreams have been pretty wild lately. usually means that something is coming up. just wish i knew if it was good or bad.

i do know that my fathers health has gotten worse. stage 3 kidney disease. he was diagnosed with it several months ago. he was stage 3 levels then. after a change in diet and a lot of work, he ranged back into stage 2. then yesterday lapsed back into the stage 3 range.

in other news, i am supposed to meet up with a guy i met online sometime soon. he is two years older than me. pretty sure he's another engineer. seems a bit cocky and not like someone i would enjoy dating, but because he's nothing like who i think i would like, i feel i should meet up with him and see how things go. if nothing better than maybe finding someone to pursue physical activities with for a little while until i get bored.

"...and it's one more day up in the canyons. and it's one more night in hollywood. if you think that i could be forgiven, i wish you would." -counting crows



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