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04-02-15 - 01:27

just finished re-watching the movie 'the losers'. i love that movie. i love the graphic novels as well. not sure why i'm wired to love action movies and hate things like the notebook, but i am what i am.

this brings me to valentines day. it is february after all. i've rarely been dating someone during valentines. best gifts though involved shurikens and an action movie. if i ever did decide to date again, i might consider it of the guy would know enough to maybe get me a nice pocket knife instead of chocolates for valentines.

i have also found out that my uncle is doing worse with things post stoke. my father and his declining health. my grandfather and his quickly declining health. my sister and her family are moving in with my parents. i don't like to discuss these things with my friends. i mean, i'll discuss one part with one friend and maybe another part with another friend, but i don't share everything with any one person. maybe the most with beckie or damien, but i really don't see them often due to beckie living out of state and damien being so busy. (his parents are in poor health)

as i have always intended, this is the site where i get everything out. no lies. no misdirection. no things that need to be said, unsaid. that being said, i have put in a bit of reflection. i get asked out frequently. not being cocky about it, but it does happen. i'm not hot, but i do think that i am unconventionally good looking. i'm interesting and not typical. maybe that's what guys like. i just have a difficult time being convinced to bother dating. i would love to meet a guy and want to date him and live happily ever after. i guess i'm just too picky. i'm wondering if i should lower my standards not really to seriously date or pretend to date someone, but just to kill time. keep my hand in the game so to speak. i would never use social engineering on a guy i really liked, but i do like using it and if i'm up front about using a guy and he still wants to try and win me over, that's not so bad, is it?

at least i seem to have an action packed weekend coming up. detroit (my new chef friend) wants to hang out, so that's looking like friday. saturday is the final fantasy orchestra event. sunday maybe i'll finally go out for drinks with berkley.

...and on to travel. flights to arizona are uber pricy. it's only a couple hundred more to fly to europe. jeff mentioned sedona. it sounds like a lot of fun and a beautiful place, so it might be well worth cutting back on everything else to fund this trip amongst other. plus, if i can find a cheap trip for this month, it will even out my spending for next month. i just really need to get away more often...if only for a weekend. maybe my future trips will involve less injury as well. i seriously had a cigarette burn on my arm from vegas for almost 2 weeks!

oh. i also have to say that i was super flattered today. at the liquor store buying my celebratory scotch (14 yr oban), one of the employees was out on a smoke break when i came in. there was a long line and i just didn't want to deal with it so started to leave. guy put out his smoke and to my protest as there were others in front of me, he helped me instead. then i found out he was the owner, so he can kind of do what he wants. then compliments when i was at the store from the check out guy. guess it's nice when all i was wearing was jeans and a swishy top with riding boots and my normal long black coat. maybe that's why the things my mother always has said never made me insecure about myself...the compliments from strangers have saved me since i was a kid.

to balance out the good, i should throw in some bad. i don't know what it is lately, but i feel i'm missing something. not missing out on something, but actually missing something. i'm sure beckie would be able to sort it out for me if i told her everything going on. she is my watson after all. i'm also pretty sure she would prescribe some physical contact. if only i could find someone around here i'm interested enough in to even get to that. maybe i need a new house boy...

"i am a fever. i am a fever. i ain't born typical" -kills



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