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05-02-2015 - 11:59

i am currently watching the k-drama 'fated to love you'. just makes me think of all of the odd connections people have. fate. if nate wasn't such a great writer, i never would have commented about his writing online. if i had never done that, i would have never gone to comic con with him and the others. if we never went to comic con and had a conversation with the others about me being half asian, marco never would have brought up their crew being half asian. we never would have met the miami crew. seems i tend to do things like meet new friends in line or random places. i met joe while waiting in line and we just happened to know the same person who ended up meeting us in line. i met minnesota in an airport bar.

i have always believed in fate. then again, i also like randall's line from clerks about how he likes to think he's the master of his own destiny.

another let down. not only is nate not going this year to san diego, but shawn isn't either.

i'm wondering if while in sedona in march if i can convince jeff to travel with me later in the year. i wonder if netflix has the movie tremors and if i can manage to watch it before we go hiking. so far, i have yet to evaluate jeff for survival skills in case of graboids or zombies. odd i haven't done so as that's usually one of the first things i assess. maybe it just means that he doesn't come off as unskilled in continuing life as many of my friends. i love them, but i know that a good portion of them were be in the first to go category. along with my sister. my mother would be on that list too, but my father is too heavily armed to allow that to happen.

lucidly moving from mental object to mental object, i do wonder if jeff really does want to travel with me or if he just feels bad because he knows i lost a 'friend' with heidi disowning me. i dislike when i can't read people at all and it's not very often that such situations come about. i couldn't read heidi well either, and look where that got me. then again, after discussion with watson, she pointed out that never once did heidi ask how things were going with my family. never once was she able to have a drink with me when i had a dreadful day. never once did she try to understand me. not that i'm easy to understand. it's just difficult to have friends who aren't interested in me. not trying to sound full of things, but most of my friends are guys. i've dated quite a few of them (not slept with, but dated). over 75% though of people asking me to do things though have told me that they are interested in dating me. then it makes things weird. they don't like me. they like this idea they have of me.

me: i often times am completely ocd about dental floss. if i get too hungry, i get confused and sometimes flustered and/or angry. i like to fight people. not all out, just friendly sparring. i hate carrying a purse unless it goes with the persona i'm using at the time and prefer when others hold onto my id and lip gloss when i go out and don't have my coat. i go through weird spans where i will eat a bunch of one type of fruit. i dance around in my apartment in my skivvies. i sometimes get addicted to books and will prefer to read over going out. unless the persona i'm using while out calls for it, i'm awkward about holding hands, hugging, and the dreadful word cuddling. where most females i know or hear from want to sleep with a guy and then cuddle, i prefer to shower and get a snack...then sleep on the far edge of the bed. i hate malls. 9 times out of 10 i will not try on clothing before i buy it, but i'm pretty darn good at picking things that fit. unless there is a special event, i tend to wear very masculine earrings. i'm a bit of a neat freak at work, but at home i'm the opposite. i am also loyal. i am someone who will do anything for a good friend. while i don't know if i could ever properly truly love someone, in the past i have made every effort to try. i am bluntly honest. my friends don't have to worry about my answers especially concerning things important. i'm also different and often times exciting. my logical reasoning actually make me very unpredictable to many people.

and now, and now, life shifts from here...

"knock, knock, knock. makkura hoshizora o daite, hate no nai uchuu e...youkoso hitori bocchi...hitori bocchi...hitori bocchi..." -pearl kyoudai

"knock, knock, knock. embracing the pitch black night sky, traveling into the boundless universe...welcome to loneliness...loneliness...loneliness..." -pearl kyoudai



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