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10-03-15 - 08:31

i am back from an extended weekend trip to arizona. it was so very strange being back there. the last time i was there was with kyle. i forgot that the last time i was in camp verde area/sedona, i couldn't sleep. had the same issue this time. then again, that sleep issue might have been more to do with a food allergy. off and on spitting up blood for an evening. it was over as soon as it started, but it put the fear back into me that my food sensitivity to pretty much everything won't just go away because i want it to. it's only happened one other time. not sure what caused it then either.

i loved arizona though. i loved the smell. the feel. the stars. the sun. i could easily live there. granted, probably for only a few years before getting stir crazy again, but i could do it.

jeep tours. a wine tasting. even a movie that i normally wouldn't have seen. the only bad thing is that my brain just would not turn off there. there was and is so much going on right now and i think that being somewhere comfortable just unleashed it all. here i can turn it off. i can turn pretty much everything off if i want.

also, on the tangent of comfort. i find myself telling cupcake too much. maybe i feel comfortable around him. i don't know. normally i don't talk about everything to one person. i spread out my worry. my weirdness. maybe the only other person i tell everything to is beckie. i'll have to curb this in the future. it's just that i've known beckie for well over a decade. i've known cupcake for a little over a year. i'm always bluntly honest with my friends if they ask me something, but i usually don't just share so much info. it makes me wonder if it's just being friends with someone i'm oddly compatible with, or if somehow i've changed. guess i'll have to see if this pattern continues with my local friends.

i also think that cupcake was messing with me. everything i picked to eat was what he said he was thinking of getting. everything i thought of getting, he said he knew i was thinking of getting it because that's what he was looking at. our only difference in dining preferences seems to be white and red wines. when i say messing with me, i don't mean to imply in a bad way. just a friendly random way. maybe he was trying to see my reaction. i try to never use social engineering on friends, but that's because i know that i would likely get carried away. maybe he was trying that on me. maybe not. it didn't seem odd or noteworthy at the time, but reflecting on it, who knows.

oh, i bought myself a baby cactus in arizona! one of the ones that can grow massive. so cute. i just hope i don't kill him since i seem to manage with difficult orchids, but have issues with chain store juniper bonsai trees.

i'm also onto a new book series. cupcake bought me the first book in the series. actually had it shipped to his place while i was there. i love books. i think they make my favourite gifts. the only people who have ever bought me books are ryan, jay, beckie and cupcake. ryan has bought me the most and has been dead on every time with what he thinks i would like. cupcake suggested a book that i loved and has now bought me a book that i like so far. i'll have to finish it and see how it goes.

there's so much more i need to suss out, but right now is not the time or place. maybe after some sleep. maybe i'll take a nap, read, and then get some proper sleep.

last thing...i did go to a psychic whilst in sedona. cupcake went too. the woman said she knew we weren't a couple. mentioned my energy/electricity issue. said i need to find another job. i didn't really have any questions for her to answer as there are so many things that i don't want to know. i'm so contradictory at so many times...i can say that i can't believe i was able to get cupcake to actually go. then again, i can't believe he was able to get me to see 50 shades in the theatre. i guess it's sometimes good to have a friend who will push your boundaries.

...i already miss arizona...

"what would i do without your smart mouth. drawing me in and you kicking me out. you got my head spinning, no kidding, i can't pin you down. what's going on in that beautiful mind. i'm on your magical mystery ride and i'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but i'll be alright..." -john legend



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