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31-10-15 - 03:33

i am a high functioning sociopath. it's strange to say, but it is the truth. i sometimes hate to admit, but i quite dating when i finally realized that years ago. i would love to meet someone who would make me feel something. not just the fake, me doing what i know i'm supposed to, in a relationship. i would love to meet someone that i could honestly say i loved more than my car or laptop.

i am the sherlock variety of high functioning sociopath. i'm not a psychopath. i do have a few friends that i do care about. it's just difficult or impossible to really care about anyone else. i try. i make every effort when needed. i don't date because i know it will end poorly and i know i'm not supposed to make people feel bad. i avoid dating to prevent others from feeling bad.

i make sure to ask co-workers about their families. i know i'm supposed to. i ask about their kids and spouses. i am bluntly honest when they ask me questions. it oddly makes people think i'm some super caring and involved person. i can be bluntly honest because i don't care.

right now i'm back from a halloween party. not quite sober. i played my role well tonight. drank a lot. played well with others. i sometimes think that the reason arizona and i get along so well is that he's a borderline sociopath as well. or at the minimum, a regular human with sociopathic tendencies. on that note, i think we're traveling somewhere just after christmas. domestic travel.

oh. i did spend my birthday and additional days in italy. yeah. rome, florence, cinque terre, milan, pisa, lake como, and venice. i love venice. it's on par with kyoto in my book. i could live there and be happy.

it's been a while since i posted on here. i don't really know what to say. my travels to italy were glorious. i am still single. my sister is still living with her family at my parents house. i think i'm going to egypt in february. and that's about everything...

"help me, i've fallen on the inside. i tried to change the game. i tried to infiltrate, but now i'm losing..." -muse



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