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20-01-16 - 11:33

tis a new year...and this is my first posting.

so, catching up.
1) i have to admit that i am jealous. jealous that my sister always has things work out for her. family bails her out every time. the 'bill' from my parents is at least $100,000 in the past 10 years. this does not count the 'loan' from them for her house. my grandfather also 'lent' her $100,000 for the house. i do not like myself being jealous. there are so many feelings that i just don't seem to feel properly, yet i can feel this one.

2) i got to see the elvis museum after christmas! cupcake and i went. we stayed at a different hotel this time. i had a great time. i'm not sure if he did or not. alas, i wsa fighting off a dreadful sinus infection while there. i seem to have poor luck when traveling with him. makes me wonder if/when he might not join me for tiny adventures in the future. the funny thing is that we shared a king sized bed together. it's funny because beckie asked me if anything 'happened' whilst sharing said bed. she thought it of much amusement that i said no. "nothing physical happened?" "no." "well, it never crossed my mind. i don't suppose it crossed his mind either or something may have happened." "do you like him?" "of course. if i didn't, i wouldn't be friends with him." "no, i mean, have you ever considered being more than friends with him?" "no. the thought didn't cross my mind." so, yes. i am weird. after she mentioned it, i do believe it to be a rather odd friendship. i do however love the fact that even when i don't mention it (for i do sometimes try to play normal) he gives me the seat facing the entrance. i absolutely love when people humour my eccentricities. so very few people do.

3) beckie, sarah and i went out for nye. my sisters friend who i have only met 2 times previous ended up joining us. then at the end of the evening, he asked me out. why? why ruin such a lovely evening with such a thing? what little he knows about me is that i am not a good person to date. i am the opposite of clingy and am rather particular with whom i consider attractive. i didn't end up kissing anyone for the new year. still have yet to do so. however, i have been asked out by 5 people so far and have had one rather interesting offer for a 'friend with benefits' situation. i have declined all offers.

4) my arm is recovering from a glass wound. i was out to dinner and drinks with a friend nearby and the bartender broke a glass on me. arms, chest, lap, etc. we ended up with free drinks...and i borrowed forever one of their cloth napkins as i bled all over it.

i did just finish watching pride and prejudice. i do find a lot of my self in the the story. it does make me think that i would love to find someone to love...but, i would have to find someone who would make me want to love them. pride, a 'sharp tongue', so many things that i possess. i think much like in the story/film that i need to find someone like me. if i found someone like me, maybe i would actually love them.

i need to decide where to travel for next month. i was originally going to go to egypt. due to safety reasons and to calm my parents, i have decided to postpone this trip. now i have the time off and no idea where to spend it.

there are hopes that i shall attend the vodka event in r.o. this weekend. perhaps keeping up traditions and attending it with damien. my last weekend off was a whole lot of crazy. bunch of us ended up going to the berg in ann arbor. from there we went to rush...and then half of us ended up at the strip club. i didn't get home until 5am.

we're heading for a deep freeze this week into the end. wonder if i should find someone to share the kotatsu with or if i would rather not bother. just to 'keep up appearances', i think i might date someone for a bit. make sure i can still pull off 'normal' until i get bored. i've promised myself that i wouldn't full out use social engineering on friends, but i do so like to keep in the game so to speak and never make such a promise for the people i date...


"hold. hold on. hold onto me. 'cause i'm a little unsteady. a little unsteady..." -x ambassadors



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