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29-11-2001 - 4:49 a.m.

yet another odd day in the life of an unemployed recent graduate...

first of all, i have found out that my dad has a tumor in his leg. luckly it's not cancerous, but he still has to have an operation to have it removed.

secondly, i must be selfish as hell since i'm slightly angry about the situation. i must now find a temp job until i get a career job, so that my mom and dad can afford to keep the house. being that my dad has now been out of work for 3 months, there seems to be a dark cloud hanging over our house.

amongst tonight's rantings ravings and ventings, are the following:

1. i feel like a prisioner over here. i'm not allowed to go out anymore since my dad might need something. i'm not allowed to sleep in. i get yelled at by my parents all the time about how worthless i am. ahhh! i understand that they are under a lot of stress, but it's hard to keep that in mind when they're yelling at me to the point i'm standing there crying asking them what they want me to do.

2. i also angry at bad drivers. i was driving along today, minding my own business, on the way to pick up my dad's perscription from the pharmacy, and someone pulled out right in front of me. i was driving along at 55, which is the speed limit (wasn't speeding for once) and from a side road (i had the right of way) an elderly couple in a very large car pull out right in front of me to the point where i had to slam on my breaks. (after a split second glance in my mirror to make sure no one was behind me) even slamming on my breaks, i only missed the back end of their car by less than a foot...mere inches! and then they didn't even seem to notice! i had just screached my tires to prevent hitting them and they didn't even notice! they then proceeded to drive about 35 the rest of the way into town. every time i would try to pass them, they would kind of get nervous and cross into the on-coming lane! i'm all about letting the elderly drive...just so long as they can do so safely. if i would have had a bigger car, or been speeding, i would have hit them. and even though it would have been their fault, i would have felt horrid about it. ahhhhhh!

3. i am also not happy about the following social ocassions. my little sister's fiance (can't believe she's getting married next year at 21!)is having his college graduation open house over at my parents house. of course i must clean, cook and prepare for it. that part i don't mind as much...the worst part is that the day before, her fiance's mom is having her family x-mas party at my parents house! he's not even related to us yet, and his mom is using my partents house to throw her holiday festivities! i must also clean, cook and prepare for this fun ocassion. (can't spell)and, for both of these celebrations, his mom only sent us $300. she thinks that it will only cost maybe $100. she wants food and beverage for 25 people one day, and 60 the other for less than $100. therefore, my parents who are already under financial strain, must fork over a shload of cash to make things work out. ahhhh! ahhhh!

"with your feet in the air and your head on the ground, try this trick and spin it, yeah. your head will collapse but there's nothing in it, and you'll ask yourself, where is my mind..."

-the pixies



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