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16-04-2002 - 01:59

hmmmm...i can't sleep and i have to be up at 4am. right now i am talking to shaun on the phone. he's sitting on his back portch outside looking at the stars.

it does annoy me that he talks to me, but never really talks to me. it's kind of frustrating.

he keeps telling me that his mind is wandering and he can't tell me what he's thinking. i'm not sure if i should worry about him or not. sometimes he sounds like he doesn't care...not about what happens to others (because he does seem to care about that), but he just doesn't seem to care that much about himself. this might not be true, but it seems like it.

i kind of miss him right now. i think that that's kind of weird.

what's really weird is that we've been talking on the phone for a good hour now...and it's long distance.

well, i guess that's all for now...that and me pondering the question of if i should attempt to get 2.5 hours of sleep, or if that will just make me more tired and if i ought just forget the sleep thing all together...

"and she runs, through her days with a smile on her face. and she runs, and she waits, and i wait. we can drive to anyplace, day or night, across the state, and in the morning, into mexico, we will wake up...i find a window in the kitchen, and i let myself in...rummage through the refrigerator, find myself a beer. i can't believe i'm really here, and she's lying in that bed...i can almost feel her touch and her anxious breath! i stumble in the hallway, against the bedroom door. i hear her call out to me, i hear the fear in her voice. she pulls the covers tighter, i press against the door. i will be with her tonight!"




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