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21-12-2003 - 03:46

dear subject of my current crush,

i'm wondering why i haven't heard from you for so long? it's been almost a month. you've not replied to my 2 emails and 2 phone calls. i've not changed my pattern of contacting you. usually every week, i was either getting an email (or many) from you or talked to you on the phone. i'm wondering what's going on with you. how you've been. my first email to you was the day you got home. i was wondering if you got in trouble with your family for staying the night here and not getting home till after noon. i just hope we didn't scare you off. hope you haven't forgotten me.

so. for part of my mother's x-mas gift, i bought her an orchid. i know her other one died after quite a few years. i also bought troy's gift today. figured i'd give his wife a bottle of wine, and for him i bought a movie and a magic 8 ball. still no idea on what i'm going to get my grandmother and my aunt and uncle. i got my sister some diamond earrings which i took out of their box and wrapped in a green silk change purse. paying for about half of my father's new pool stick. blah.

only 2 days of work left till my days off. and this time i have 3 days off. my regular days and then the 25th. i still have no plans for new years eve. i really ought to do something.

everything aside from my love life (or lack thereof) is going quite well. in the near future i will be talking with an fbi agent about applications. i also received a notice in the mail from the state police to apply for the mcoles. i really want to work for the fbi. i think that it would be an amazing job. like my job now, no two days are even remotely the same. and, unlike with my job now, working with the fbi would be more respectable. i think that it would be great to work on cases that when they're done, you can sit back and say that you were a part of something. you did something. you helped people. a lot of people i know of can't understand why i want to work for the fbi or how i can enjoy my current job. i find it interesting. i also find that i'm always learning. oh well, now i'm rambling...

oh. once again i've been thinking of cutting my hair. lately, people have been playing with it. people i don't know, or don't know well, keep pulling the curls. (not painfully pulling, but it's weird.)

ok. phone problems. i can't check my voice mail. i can receive it. just not access it. lovely. fecking evil phone. i now have a cramp in my thumb from trying to use it.

just one of those days. one of those night...where i don't want to sleep, but i don't want to stay awake.

i actually did an almost decent job of wrapping gifts this year. at least the ones i already bought. i used tissue paper that i got with some of the items i bought instead of newspaper. i even used clear tape. i think i did a decent job...for me at least. even double layered it so you can't see through things.

well, that's all for now. think i'm going to make some mac and cheese. and drink some chocolate milk. mmmm....

"did i ever tell you that i really love you and i think about you all day? i really miss you and wish i could kiss you, but why are you so far away? since you've been gone, i've thought over and over about you inside my head and where i went wrong, where i went wrong. every day, i've been thinking a lot about all of the things you'd say since i went away, since i went away...i guess i could call you and ask you "how are you?" but i really don't have much to say. i sit all alone and i stare at the phone and i hope that you're doing o.k...." -the ataris



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