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12-05-2004 - 03:43

ah. today was amazing. slept in till noon. sun was shining. great drive to school with the windows down and good music on. class went well. no more undergrad students asking stupid questions. got out of class early. went shopping at showtime with a girl from class. found some interesting clothes i may want to buy in the future. the drive home was great. it didn't even rain some time after getting home.


last night i praticed fencing in the parking lot of my apartment in the rain barefoot. it was actually quite fun.

i've been studying my japanese every night for a bit for the past week. i can't spell in english. i'm even worse spelling in japanese.

i talked to takkun last night. general conversation. i kind of wish i didn't like him so much. especially since i'm bored with being single right now. i'm not actively looking for someone, but i do miss fun filled nights of hanging out with people, drinking, followed by making out with the hot/cute guy i'm dating.

takkun scares me sometimes. i worry about him. i've known him since he started college and was extremely insecure. he's less so now, but i think a lot of what he does is to try and compensate for his insecurities. i worry that one of these days the things he does are going to kill him. he's already broken bones, been hospitalized...the boy's only 24 and he worries about his mortality and such like people who are much older. grrrrr......i think it would be better if he lived up one story and down the hall like he used to...

i really want to travel more. i'm compiling my plans for my ny trip this summer. i also plan on going to japan in the spring.

i also plan on moving on july 1st. moving to a 1 bed 1 bathroom place just down the street from here. i've never lived by myself before. it will be interesting. i'm sure i'll still go about in my underwear in the "mornings" and spend most of my time in my bedroom (nothing naughty...i just do everything while sitting on my bed...reading, watching television, school work, computer stuff).

i just got done talking to takkun tonight. we talked for i think around 2 hours. a lot was said. i feel a bit bad because he's sounding more and more cynical lately. he said that he's anti dating because things always end up with him getting dumped and the girl hooking up with someone else shortly after. i did ask him something to the effect of "what if you lived back in michigan. and what if you weren't so cynical. and what if i asked you out on a date, would you accept?" he said that he didn't know. i must admit that i'm a bit dissapointed by this, but haven't given up yet. takkun randomly mentioned other things during our talk. things like the fact that he doesn't believe in love. he's anti marriage (which i am as well...and ryan, which is odd since he's actually married people.) he said that he can picture himself living alone in a nice house with a bunch of toys. he also said that he is anti dating due to the fact that he sees no point in it if he's never going to get married. while i see this as actually very locigal, i must say that while i haven't dated for some time...i am pro dating. my reason for dating is that it's fun. i also see it as a test. while i don't think i'll ever find someone and get married (or spawn), i see dating as testing my hypothesis. there's always a slim chance that my hypothesis of marriage being bad is not true. i like the idea of dating just to see if i can be proven wrong. as for love. i believe in it. i don't think it will work out for me, but i've seen my parents and know it exists for some. i also believe in it more lately. i don't think this would hurt so bad seeing takkun unhappy and cynical if (yes, sadly i must admit) i wasn't in love with him. can't say i'm a fan of being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. it's also hard to admit things like this, but for me to say i'm bluntly honest, i also have to be bluntly honest with myself. i think it's a bit weird that he tells me so much (and i mean things that you don't usually share with your friends). i like how we can talk for hours about everything and nothing at all. i like how i have more photos of him than his parents. i like how he asks my opinion on major purchases (his digital camera he bought tonight online while talking to me). there's also a lot that i don't like. i don't like how much i miss him. i don't like how i am jealous of the girls that do get to hang out with him. i don't like worrying about him and his risk taking and his new cynical outlook.

is it wrong to just want someone all to yourself? i kind of wish my life would start turning out like a wb sitcom. season one: the main characters become friends. everyone seems to think that they should hook up, but it just doesn't happen. one of the main characters moves away in the season finale (possibly spelled wrong). season two: the character who moved away comes back for a bit. the character who stayed realizes that they are in love with the character who moved away. odd situations ensue. the character who stayed tells the character who moved away. more drama ensues. season finale ends with the character who moved away stating that there's possibility with the character who stayed. season three: everything builds up to the two characters hooking up and even with all the drama around them, things turn out ok.

i got bit by a small spider tonight on my finger. now it itches and stings. luckily it wasn't that bad of a spider and i didn't get sick. just a red major swelling and black veins.

oh...and something that really made me happy...yesterday when i visited my grandparents, i talked with my grandmother. we were talking about japanese and what i've been learning and such. it was great to see how happy she was talking to me in japanese. it's motivated me to keep up with my studies. even when we were talking about simple things like my question with how to pronounce the colour brown (chiado, chai-e-doh). it was really great. happiness through the happiness of others is always an amazing feeling.

well, that's all for tonight. i think i'm going to get ready for bed and then spend the next half hour on the japanese...

"i backed my car into a cop car the other day. well he just drove off sometimes life's ok. i ran my mouth off a bit too much, oh what can i say? well you just laughed it off if was all ok. and we'll all float on ok. and we'll all float on ok. and we'll all float on ok. and we'll all float on anyway. well, well a fake jamaican took every last dime with a scam. it was worth it just to learn some sleight of hand. bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands. good news will work it's way to all them plans. we both got fired on exactly the same day. well we'll float on good news is on the way. and we'll all float on ok. and we'll all float on ok. and we'll all float on ok. and we'll all float on. and we'll all float on alright. already we'll all float on. now don't worry we'll all float on. alright already we'll all float on. alright don't worry we'll all float on. and we'll all float on. alright already we'll all float on. alright don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy. we'll all float on alright. already we'll all float on. ok don't worry we'll all float on. even if things get heavy we'll all float on. alright already we'll all float on. don't you worry we'll all float on. all float on..." -modest mouse



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