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20-03-2005 - 07:23

well, this has been a very bad week. on my last days off, i ended up getting a panicked call from both my sister and my parents. they wanted me to go to lansing and help christina with her paper. day was tuesday. her paper was due friday. she hadn't even started it yet.

so, i got there at 9PM and didn't leave till 3:30AM. came home, did laundry and some of my midterm paper and then slept before going to work.

i'm mostly done with my paper now. i have to finish it on monday at work.

today we went out for my fathers and grandmothers (the other one) birthday. then we went to my grandparents and my mother, sister, and grandmother kept crying. it's really hard. i don't cry while i'm there because it just makes my grandmother feel worse. she keeps falling down now. she's so weak she needs help getting out of bed. the other day when i was there she started to fall and i caught her, helped her to the ground and then had to reposition and pick her up. i'm pretty sure her cancer has gotten to her brain. she's having more trouble talking and keeps forgetting simple things. not finishing sentences. i don't think she's going to make it much longer. i just hope she does ok until after my mother's birthday in june and my parent's anniversary in august. but, at her rate of decline, she's probably not going to make it until summer. it's also strange...i know she's just mad about her situation, but she has started taking that out on me. more on my grandfather, but when i'm there, i kind of try to divert her attention and give him a break. it's just that her personality has changed so much. she apologized when she realizes she's doing it, but she'll yell at me for bringing her the wrong type of tea or using the wrong cleaners for different parts of the house.

i've been helping clean their place and trying to help my grandfather out. he's having a lot of trouble with things. so i just talk with him about politics and current events and drink a half gallon or so of tea.

i've also appearently been nominated at the go-between with my parents and my sister. not sure what if anything i can do there. all i know is that she has her last two classes and if she flunks either of them, she will have exceeded her maximum number of credits at msu and will no longer be welcome there.

i'm currently in a bit of a sad mood and i'm sitting on the floor in my living room drinking tea and watching ed tv on tbs...and yes, i'm watching it on my television that is no longer in colour because it's old and in fact a consol (not sure how to spell it....but it's old and in it's own cabinet) model. actually, i'm in a much better mood. after stating everything, it just makes things a bit better.

on the plus side, i talked to both jeff 1 and jacob today. jacob called yesterday and left a voicemail, but i didn't get it until today (saturday). i've not slept yet, so it's not sunday for me yet. both are younger than me. weird.

well, i ended up not doing anything friday night. ryan and i were going to hang out and i didn't know that that meant the necto again. so, i sat around at my apartment just feeling miserable. i really wasn't in the mood for crowds that night and hadn't figured on the necto since ryan said that he didn't want to be out too late. i'm also just bored with the necto. i can't even recall the last time i was at a straight club. the last time i can think of was last year with ryan and others at the post in novi during weird girl night. then i was supposed to go to my parents saturday night and hang out with my parents and sister, but then my sister backed out and i just stayed here. actually, i called ryan and jay around 5PM and left messages, but neither called back. and after everything, i didn't really want to hang out with anyone else, so instead, i just spent another night at my place. just such a bad week that i didn't really want to hang out with most people. bleah. good thing things have turned around this morning. i actually have accepted the fact that i'm not going to sleep anytime soon, so i've accepted it's sunday now.

i've also decided that the lead singer for the killers is hot in that unconventionally good looking way. can't really go wrong with a cute guy in dress clothes.

dland's down so i guess i'll be posting this later...or not...

"do you believe that we are all innately good? do you think that you would love me until tomorrow if you could? would you please turn down the radio so we can speak? ...i regret every time i raised my voice. and it wouldn't be that bright of me to say i had no choice. i can kiss your eyes, your hair, your neck until we forget..." -bare naked ladies



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