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25-04-2005 - 03:03

i just finished helping my sister with her paper for class. if she passes she will graduate in may.

right now it's the end of april and it's snowing. freakish weather. my grandmother funeral day was so warm. 83 degrees. a tie with the highest temp record for that day. only days later it's snowing like mad. we're supposed to get a few more inches before it stops. i can't even see the stairs leading to and from my apartment.

i finally slept today. i mean really slept. i was out from almost 5pm to 11pm. straight through. i had already been up for over 23 hours straight. i think that everything is moving on now and i'll get back to sleeping and eatting properly.

we went out to dinner today for my grandfathers birthday. i think that me being around has helped him more than my mother. she kind of smothers him. i'll hang out with him. we eat. drink tons and tons of tea and discuss politics and world events. sometimes just doing "normal" things helps more than going way out of your way to comfort someone. when the family is around people keep dwelling on the sad things. i keep jumping in with good things. funny things. my grandmother was a good person. she was forever doing silly things. i think that she'd rather have us think good thoughts about her than cry our eyes out and feel bad. i still cry off and on...but not so much. crying doesn't do anything. it helps that i know that it was the best thing for her. she was in pain all of the time and i know she didn't like the fact that people had to do everything for her towards the end.

i've also thought that if (yes, using the word if) i were to die...i wouldn't want people sad. i'd want a huge party thrown. good music. good food. good drinks.

i was also wondering about something. we throw salt over our shoulders when leaving a funeral home. it's a superstition to prevent angry spirits from following you home. (funerals = sadness. sadness = angry/evil spirits.) or something like that. i'm curious though if this is an american thing? or a japanese thing? perhaps i should check into that...

i really want to start doing some traveling soon. japan. italy. england. i just need to find someone to travel with.

i think i'm going to start working on my final paper tomorrow.

other things to look into are kimono cleanings, dentist appointments, apartment cleaning, gift shopping...and once this snow stops and it gets warmer, my grandfather and i are going to work on my grandmother's garden.

"what's the worst that i can say? things are better if i stay. so long and goodnight. so long and goodnight. and if you carry on this way. things are better if i stay. so long and goodnight. so long and goodnight..." -my chemical romance



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