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08-06-2005 - 13:49

ryan came over last night. i finally made him dinner for once instead of him cooking for me. we were curled up in bed. i told him that he was really sweet and he gave me a really odd look and kissed me. we're really strange together. i kind of like it. he's one of the few people i can talk to about my grandmother and not feel sad. it's not to the point where i can quite discuss the day she died with anyone, but i did almost tell him about it last night. it's one of those things where i can't quite get beyond it until i tell someone about it...but i'm not ready to tell anyone yet. i haven't delt with it quite enough to talk about that specific day and not cry. i also don't really like crying in front of others. it makes me uncomfortable. i guess i'm strange like that.

he says that i have an odd way of speaking. i pronounce things differently than most. i guess i even say his name differently. which is odd because i've known my ryan for ages and he's never once said that i say his name oddly. and that ryan would tell me. he's the one who i think first noticed the miles per nower (hour) thing. and breffist.

he twitches in his sleep. he dreams of martial arts and his arms and legs twitch just a bit while he sleeps. he also grinds his teeth. i've been told i do that too. he told me that i sleep like the dead. once asleep, i guess i don't move at all.

he says that people are often put off by his job. i often find the same situation. i also like that neither of us will put up with anything the other does. jeff was the first to do that. i also liked jeff, but he just didn't put forth any effort. we actually got into a fight last week. he ended up apologizing to me. said that he'd had a really bad day. while i liked jeff, i was never completely comfortable with him. with ryan it's different. often times jeff would come over and hang out, and usually i'd send him home and not have him sleep over. with ryan i only send him home when he's got to leave to go to work. he's kind of a compilation of all of the things i've liked about a lot of the guys i've dated.

we're also not dating...but not not dating. we have another infamous undefined jim relationship.

anyways. i think i'm going to take a half hour nap before i get up and start getting things done before work...

"i am terrified of all things. frightened of the dark. i am. you are taller than a mountain. deeper than the sea. you are. hold me. hold me. take me with you 'cause i'm lonely. i was closer to you back then. i was happier. i was. you are fading further from me. why don't you come home to me? hold me. hold me. take me with you 'cause i'm lonely. i am...i am...cold. hold me. hold me. hold me. take me with you 'cause i'm lonely. hold me. hold me. take me with you 'cause i'm lonely. hold me. hold me." -weezer



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