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21-04-2006 - 05:17

how fitting. i get off of an over hour long conversation with the ninja and then cowboy bebop's on. i was having a great day. and a great night. i guess it still is, but the tone is a bit different.

he calls me up. we're having great conversation. then things take a turn for the worse. but then they get better. and then slightly weird. he fell asleep on the phone (it was rather late for him to be up) and i hung up, called back and left him a voice mail stating that i hoped everything was ok and that should he want to, to feel free to give me a call tomorrow. (not in exact wording.) i did cry on the phone though. didn't want to, but sometimes you just can't help it. it hurts as much as it helps to talk to him. and i have to admit that i miss talking to him.

other than that, i guess there's the fact that i have today (friday) off and hopefully will finish up my project for class. everything keeps getting in my way though. ummm...talked to kellas the day before yesterday. told me that he'd tried calling on saturday, but couldn't get through. sounds about right as i don't always have signal in brooklyn. then he said that he was going to call sunday, but when he thought of it, he didn't know if it was too late to call. left me a message on myspace asking me to give him a call. so, i responded back that i didn't know when was good to call and that he should call me. so, we'll see. he didn't check myspace yesterday, so maybe i'll hear something today. i wonder who i'll hear from first...kellas or the ninja. ummm...mike, austin, and i have decided that this summer we're going to drink an entire 1.5 liter cask (is that a real word?) of sake in a sitting. it will be interesting. last people i drank sake with. mike and austin wednesday night. before that, i think was with the ninja.

i don't want to sleep alone right now. i've just in the past 15 minutes killed 4 spiders in my room. 3 rather large ones. busted out the vac. for two of them. fencing foil for the other two. i do miss having someone around to kill the spiders for me. one of the many benefits of living with ryan. or dating the ninja. or having takkun around. i remember calling him once when i lived on gunson and him having to come over late at night to get one for me.

i'm in an odd sort now. not happy. not unhappy. tired. emotionally exhausted. i didn't even cry on the 18th. the year marker for my grandmothers death. but then i cry on the phone with the ninja. i remember hearing a few different places that there's three things you can't do without passion. love, hate, and fight. too bad you need more than that for a healthy relationship.

"do they lay down the law and lock up your heart? gonna have to steal your love. some laws should be broken from the start. gonna have to steal your love. you ain't about to give it up for no one. gonna have to steal your love. i don't need a knife, i don't need a gun. i know how to steal your love. i don't want your drugs. i don't want your money. i just wanna steal your love. i want you to squeeze me and call me honey. i just wanna steal your love. give me your strong hand, go away with me. i won't have to steal your love. com on, let me kiss you and set you free. i won't have to steal your love. i won't have to steal your love. i won't have to steal your love." -lucinda williams



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