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26-08-2006 - 01:07

first of all...headlines: pluto is no longer a planet, and vegas will no longer have 24 hour weddings. well, at least not 24 hour marriage license availability.

aside from that. i have now not heard from ian in 3 days. this is the longest span i've not heard from pretty much since the night at kroger. i don't want to phone him and crowd him, but i don't like not hearing from him either. i knew i'd miss him, but i didn't think it would be quite this bad. i find myself feeling jealous, which i don't think had happened before. definitely not like this. i really don't know what's wrong with me. i'm not eatting much lately. i'm not sleeping much lately. but i'm not hungry and i'm not tired. i've been overly motivated though. cleaning and such. i'm actually kind of mad at myself. how did i let myself get too attached to someone who was leaving the state for so long?!? we never talked about dating or dating anyone else. it was just never mentioned. so, i could easily go out on a date with someone and in fact have had a few offers in the past few days, but i just don't feel like dating anyone else. and what if i don't hear from him for ages? if i'm this insane over only 3 days, what will i do after 4? 5? a week? and i'm sure that the spans between calls will just keep getting larger. the shock of all of this really hit me on saturday, and instead of it getting better, it just seems to be getting worse. i last talked to him on tuesday night. we talked for almost a half hour (well, longer time wise, but i was at work so it was off and on). we likely would have talked longer, but he got a call on his other line from someone in his programme so he had to let me go. last thing he said was "i'm sorry, i really have to take this because it's from some in my class. let me give you a call back later." later. usually that would mean later that night. or the next day. or the day after. now i'm just ranting. i'm not sure if i'm more angry that he's not phoned back yet, or worried because he's not phoned back yet. i wonder if i'll see him when he visits near thanksgiving. i wonder if i'll want to. i wonder if he'll want to see me. and after all of that, i wonder what will happen and how things will be if and when we do meet up. will it be like before he left? the whole attempting to watch a movie or television and next thing clothing is strewn across the apartment. laughing. exciting. fun. or will it be this akward forced thing that ultimately just sad and needs to be put down. and i wonder how often he thinks about me. he's got me so messed up, but oddly, in a good way. he motivates me. everything bad in the world melts away when he phones. and he just makes me want to be better at everything. i wonder how i'll make it till his next visit. but then again, i know how great things could be when i do see him again. aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! the ninja made me feel messed up in a bad way. something i didn't like. it almost seems like ian is the polar opposite of the ninja.

anyways. for the second time ever...i'm at a loss for musical selection...



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