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06-05-2008 - 06:43

so. first day of class was yesterday. i know i'm crazy to take an accelerated class during the summer semester that involves a lot of math/physics...but, i needed it.

anyways. "the boy" is missing out on a great opportunity. he was originally intended to go to our shift, but then a week before the switch, was moved to another. there's a chance for him to go to our shift now, but he doesn't want to take it. maybe he just doesn't want to be around me that much. maybe he just doesn't want to leave his shift. who knows. he doesn't want to talk about it. i just think that he was intended to be on our shift and that that is where he should be. oh well.

so. school will be hard. i still have to schedule more tango lessons with dean. i possibly have a martini outing with rob. beckie's birthday is coming up. there's the ryan and mike memorial weekend outing. family memorial day outing. etc. busy busy busy.

so. in mental purging:
at work, there is a girl who is rather miserable. she's been rather miserable to many people for a while and lately things have gone poorly for her. i think that maybe all of the bad karma she built up got to be so much that it's seeping out in this life and not the next. then there's "the boy". i like him. i really do. i honestly don't know how much i like him. i do know that i'd like just a normal dating relationship with him. like how things were before he was on the exact opposite shift of me. i really don't know what he things of me. sometimes i care. sometimes i don't. i do know that we'll never have even a normal friend relationship with him on the exact opposite shift. we will never be able to go out to dinner. never be able to go out for drinks. never be able to catch a movie. never be able to go to a party. and i have to admit that it hurts that he won't switch shifts. it makes me think that he doesn't care...and i'm not sure if he does or not. sometimes he says things that seem so mean and then sometimes he says things that are really nice. sometimes he acts like he doesn't care if he ever sees me again, and then sometimes he does the opposite. i really don't understand a thing about him. and, sometimes i just feel like i should just walk away from everything involving him. i know that they would be the easiest thing to do and sometimes i wonder if that's what he wants me to do. anyways...

"when at last my dreams come true. darling this i know. happiness will follow you everywhere you go." -elvis



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