28-06-11 - 04:24
i plunged deep into a dark black dream. i think that maybe absinthe works best when you've only had one drink. maybe that's why this was the most painful truth to come up. while i am afraid of commitment, i am afraid of being alone. i don't think i've ever quite put that in words before. this dream. this dream i had showed me this world where i was completely alone. i knew my brain was trying to tell me something lately, but i wasn't sure what it was. i think now i have the solution. now what to do with it...
i had such a perfect but tiring day, so my absinthe "nap" served me well. i now have to get a shelf inside, put it together, and finish up homework. like sparklers on a moonless night good.
i had an interesting dinner too. great company. i learned a lot about shin and ben and some other people i know. while they don't know those people really, they know of them.
i start my salsa dancing lessons this coming up month. can't wait to go out dancing with kazu. great way to meet new people.
i was wondering about something. it was something i was talking to a friend about the other day. she had told me that with her ex, that they just didn't click in the bedroom. that she's happy that the guy she's with now does. she knew before that i'd told her that i'd never not had an amazing time in that category. we'd talked before about when i'm seeing someone, i'm a huge fan of bedroom interactions 3-7 times a week. she said she was lucky with 1-2. i then ended up in a situation where i didn't think i'd ever end up. recently i had slept with a guy that i really liked and thought really liked me. it was the first time i'd not been seeing the guy for a while. i mean, even half of the boyfriends i've had, i've not slept with. and, things just didn't click. i'm wondering, is it because there wasn't some form of love involved? is it because the guy really didn't care for me like the others have? i'm not quite sure why i'm slightly concerned by this. i find it funny that the topic of sex has come up so many times in the past week or so. even talked to someone i used to be involved with. an odd conversation about handcuffs and the fact that i don't have bed posts came up. too bad apartments would frown upon installing "bed posts" to the wall...
anyways, i have things to get done. then later class and dinner/drinks with neal, scott, and shin.
oh. the 6th step for getting someone to fall in love with you... trust. you must let them know you trust them. even if it's just a little trust in them. only a few more steps left...
compliments of thomas...
"i feel your limbs, they pull me down. and now we're too far gone and won't ever be found..." -electric president
