02-11-16 - 23:39
a million and one things...
my grandfather almost died last week. accidentally turned his heat off on a night that got to 30 degrees. his blood sugar was also that level. his neighbour ended up busting into his house through the back door and finding him nearly dead in bed. i wouldn't have visited him until several hours later. emergency said he would have been dead within an hour. while all of this is going on (he's since been released from hospital), everyone in the family keeps relying on me. jim. your grandfather was brought to emergency. i need you to find out what's going on. jim. make sure x, y, z happens. jim. make sure things at his place are ok. i love my family, but i sometimes hate being the one to keep things together. the one that everyone knows will be there. the one that everyone knows can handle anything and everything. i hate admitting this.
i am in charge of checking his meds. i am in charge of checking on his appointments. i am in charge of keeping his old insulin in my fridge so he doesn't accidentally take it (which he wanted to do the other day because he forgot he's not supposed to take it). he's a tad mad at me for taking it, but he would have likely died if he double dosed on his insulin (new and old) before going to bed. i now get told that i have to get him a new mobile phone and plan and everything in the morning. i had plans to go on a road trip with george. he wanted to take photos somewhere nice by the water. now i'm not sure if i can make it. depends on how this phone thing goes.
venting: my mother has been taking things out on me a bit lately due to her stress from her father having so many issues right now. my uncle and aunt fled. they were gone when my grandmother was ill. they didn't have to carry her from place to place and see her fade. my sister missed out on all of this as well. everyone always keeps my sister in the dark. while she complains about this, she never make any effort to find things out. i hear everything in my family. when my parents almost got divorced because of their differing opinions on what to do with my sister when she was a raging alcoholic. when family members die or almost die. finances. everything. i sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed by what is expected of me. then again, i've never come across something i couldn't handle yet. i sometime feel that part of my inhuman side is because it's always been this way. since high school. maybe even before then. i always knew much more of what was going on in the family than a kid probably should have. family have always expected more of me than my sister. i do sometimes feel bad for her because everyone seems to depend on me and never once her. then again, i also don't because she is seen as someone who can't take care of herself and everyone takes care of her.
on the topic of happier news. my birthday trip this year? started out in hong kong. i ended up staying with tom and his wife at their apartment over in central. it's so weird because i met tom ages ago on my first trip to japan. he and his wife are great. i wish they lived closer and we could hang out all of the time. while there, i also met tony, who was a really great guy that i spent a lot of time with while there. we even have matching bags that we negotiated from a street market! after hong kong, i spent a day in macau. tourist sights. felt very james bond. after macau/hong kong, i went to bali.
bali was where i spent my actual birthday. went wreck diving on my birthday and the night after, a bioluminescent dive. met some fun people. traveled everywhere. fell in love with motobike taxis. then i hit up beijing and saw the forbidden city on my way back during an 8 hour layover.
i love traveling. it seems to run in my family...through history. just not with my sister or parents. i don't know how they can't travel. i honestly feel like there is so much of the world that i have yet to see and that i already would have missed had i not fell in love with it.
i did meet a 23 yr old kid in bali. super cute. used to do martial arts. he seems to have had a thing for me. even after i left, he asked why i didn't hit on him or try to sleep with him. definitely let me know that he was interested and would have. i'm just rarely interested in guys lately. not that i've switched teams or anything, but i guess i kinda have someone that i like. an impossible someone. knowing that i like someone makes less interested in others. that and i've always been lazy when it comes to dating. i keep watching asian dramas and really wish that someone would inspire me to really care. who knows if that will ever happen.
for now, i'm going to drink cheap sake, watch asian dramas on netflix, and avoid thinking for a little while...
"i'm cool all by myself, but together we golden..." -travie mccoy